You know, you Irish cops are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally sized men. Kind of makes me feel like Riverdancing.

Paul Smecker

Melissa: You know, you're just mad because your stupid little pebble theory didn't work out and you don't know how to express your anger.
Ace Ventura: Oh yeah? And you're ugly.

Borat: You like me? You are my friend?
Driving Instructor: Yes, I am your friend.
Borat: You be my boyfriend?
Driving Instructor: No, I'm not your boyfriend... okay, yeah, I guess I can be your boyfriend.

You like my erection selection?

George (to the mirror)

Johnny Tyler: You run your mouth awful reckless for a man that don't go heeled.
Wyatt Earp: No need to go heeled to get the bulge on a tub like you.

Harry! I'd almost forgotten you were here, standing on the bones of my father. I'd introduce you, but rumor has it you're almost as famous as me these days.


[paraphrasing Thomas Edison, about invention of light bulb] I didn't fail, I found 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb; I only need to find one way to make it work.

Ben Gates

Zoey: Could you please take your hands off my breasts?
General Aladeen: Those are breasts? I thought you were a boy.

Ricky Bobby: From now on, it's Magic Man and El Diablo.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does El Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby: It's like Spanish for like a fighting chicken.

Randy: Napoleon, give me some of your tots.
Napoleon Dynamite: No, go find your own.
Randy: Come on, give me some of your tots.
Napoleon Dynamite: No, I'm freakin' starving! I didn't get to eat anything today.

Capt. Dickson: Somebody's cooking up a new drug.
Jenko: Wipe? wipey? Wipey?
Capt. Dickson: No, you dumb motherfucker, WiFi
Schmidt: Play on, player.
Capt. Dickson: Why every time you speak I want to throw the fuck up?

Billy-Whoa whoa whoa, Miss Lippy. The part of the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn't put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think 'You got a pet. You got a responsibility.' If your dog is lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog.

Billy Madison

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