Jenko: What? Co-ed bathrooms!
Schmidt: Fuck! I'm not gonna take a shit the entire time we're here.

Melanie Carmichael: [of Bryant the dog] Can he swim?
Jake: Doesn't look like it.

Young J.R.: Guess which Carter this is.
Young Jack Cash: I don't know J.R.
Young J.R.: Guess...
Young Jack Cash: Anita?
Young J.R.: Nope...
Young Jack Cash: Who?
Young J.R.: June.

Belloq: What a fitting end to your life's pursuits. You're about to become a permanent addition to this archaeological find. Who knows? In a thousand years, even you may be worth something!
Indiana: Ha ha ha... Son of a bitch.

I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.

Thurgood Jenkins

Dude, I never went to college and check me out. I'm kick ass!


Aldous Snow: [as he is watching TV] Didn't I fuck her once?
[Aldous sees Sarah Marshall on TV]
Aldous Snow: I did fuck her.

My turd is a direct communication from the Holy Father.

Dr. Finch

Lightning: You got an iPad?
Henry 'Razor' Sharp: Nah, I got a regular couch.

Car Thief Cop: Freeze! You in the tights, don't move!
Spider-Man: You serious?
Car Thief Cop: Who are you?
Spider-Man: No one seems to grasp the concept of the mask.
Car Thief Cop: Freeze!
Spider-Man: [dodges] I just did 80% of your job. Huh? And that - Is that how you repay me?

It's a transmitter, a radio for speaking to God.


I did not fuck that pig Milton to get a leading role just to die here with second rate celebrities like you two!

Angelina Tyler

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