Agent Phil Coulson: Mr. Stark.
Tony Stark: Yeah?
Agent Phil Coulson: Agent Coulson.
Tony Stark: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the guy from the...
Agent Phil Coulson: Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.
Tony Stark: Whew! God, you really need a new name for that.
Agent Phil Coulson: Yeah, I hear that a lot.

George Simmons: So, Ira Wright? That's not your real name. You're hiding some Judaism.
Ira Wright: I don't think I can hide that. My face is circumcised.

Oh, no. no, you did NOT shoot that green shit at me!

Captain Steven Hiller

Okay, guys, I know I sold y'all out, and I've been a real son of a bitch, and a shitty friend. Saul, I'm talking to you. Dale, you're a new friend, but, uh, I can make it up, okay? I forgot "bros before hos."

Red

Sally Albright: Most women at one time or another have faked it.
Harry Burns: Well, they haven't faked it with me.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because I know.
Sally Albright: Oh. Right. Thats right. I forgot. Youre a man.
Harry Burns: What was that supposed to mean?
Sally Albright: Nothing. Its just that all men are sure it never happened to them, and all women at one time or other have done it, so you do the math.

Narrator: Was it ticking?
Airport Security Officer: Actually throwers don't worry about ticking 'cause modern bombs don't tick.
Narrator: Sorry, throwers?
Airport Security Officer: Baggage handlers. But, when a suitcase vibrates, then the throwers gotta call the police.
Narrator: My suitcase was vibrating?
Airport Security Officer: Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo.

You are defeated but you have no shame. You are stubborn but you have no pride. You endure but you have no courage.

Colonel Saito

Cruiser: I joined the army 'cause my father and my brother were in the army. I figured I better join before I got drafted.
Sergeant Hulka: Son, there ain't no draft no more.
Cruiser: There was one?

You're the only one who ever took me seriously, Pete.

Rudy

Rita: Now, Ms. Cossell, in all the time that you've known them, have you ever questioned Sam's ability as a father?
Annie: Never.
Rita: Never?
Annie: Never. Look at Lucy. She's strong. She displays true empathy for people, all kinds of people. I know that you all think she's as smart as she is despite him, but it's because of him.
Rita: So what you're saying is you don't worry about Lucy's future?
Annie: No, I do.
Rita: Ah...
Annie: I worry all the time. I worry if they take Lucy away from her father they will take away an enormous piece of her, and I worry that she will spend the rest of her life trying to fill that hole.

I don't have an iPod. I don't have a phone. They don't let me make calls. I'm going to call Nikki.

Pat

He likes you Alan, you know why? Because you know nothing about his family.

Sugarman

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