Brandi: Suitor Number Three, what would our first date be like?
Gil Hicks: Well, uh, first I'd take you shopping to stores you wanna shop in, and then we'd do a little lunch, probably at the Cheese Haus, followed by some golfing. And then at night, we'd take in an opera, probably Die Fledermaus, and then I'd follow it up with a drive to a secluded beach where I'd pop on the radio and we could slow-dance till the sun came up.
Brodie: That was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. I mean, look at you. You're the kind of guy who would beg for sex. And I should know, we can smell our own.

East, West, just points of the compass, each as stupid as the other.

Dr. No

You have smoked yourself retarded.

Thurgood Jenkins

This is bad. No, let me call it what is. This is fucked up.

Marcus Burnett

Journalist #1: Do you have any other pig parts?
Penelope: No!
Journalist #2: With such a large nose, do you smell better than the rest of us?
Penelope: [laughs] You tell me.

Harry Potter can kiss my ass.

Reid Garwin

Foster: Your registration? Hurry up meow. (2)
[Mac ticks off two fingers]
Larry Johnson: Sorry.
[the man laughs]
Foster: Is there something funny here boy?
Larry Johnson: Oh, no.
Foster: Then why you laughing, Mister... Larry Johnson?
Foster: All right meow, (3) where were we?
Larry Johnson: Excuse me, are you saying meow?
Foster: Am I saying meow?
[Mac makes facial expression as he is considers the last one]
Larry Johnson: I thought...
Foster: Don't think boy. Meow, (4) do you know how fast you were going?

Aguado: Homicide, Ventura. Now how ya gonna solve that one?
Ace Ventura: Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's DICK and became insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds... PORKIN' his wife.

Ah. Lenny. That shit kills.


Mac: [to Rabbit] Bite it, rook! You'll make him look like a dick!
Rabbit: Nah...
Captain O'Hagan: Every Thursday night I walk into the lodge to play Hearts...
Mac: Seriously, rook, bite it. Do it. Don't be a wuss!
Captain O'Hagan: ...and they always have my Old-Fashioned just waiting there...
Mac: Don't be a wuss, bite it!
Captain O'Hagan: ...I like that. I like it here...
Mac: Bite it. Bite it!
Captain O'Hagan: [Fed up] Oh, hell! Give me the goddamn soap!

Rosco: [after a take] We're really rolling, Mr. Simpson.
R.F. Simpson: Well, you can stop rolling at once.
Rosco: What?
R.F. Simpson: Don, Lina.
Rosco: Ok, everybody save it!
R.F. Simpson: Save it? Tell them to go home. We're shutting down for a few weeks.
Rosco: What?
R.F. Simpson: Well, don't just stand there. Tell them!
Rosco: Everybody go until further notice! What is it?

Elizabeth Swann: It's real!
Norrington: You actually were telling the truth.
Jack Sparrow: I do that quite a lot. Yet people are always surprised.
Will Turner: With good reason.

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