God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannont change, the courage to change the things that I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Mr. Earl Brooks

For the record, Metz wasn't out of tune. You were, Erickson, but he didn't know and that's bad enough.

Terence Fletcher

Charles: Tom, are you the richest man in England?
Tom: Oh, no. We're... like, seventh.

[a very pregnant Juno enters the room] Hey there, big puffy version of Junebug!

Mac MacGuff

President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Cookie?
Col. Denton Walters: No, thank you, sir.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Young lady?
Michelle Rodham Huddleston: No, thank you, sir.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: No, I was just offering him a young lady.

Freddie Shapp: We're starting a 24-hour news channel and we want you.
Ron Burgundy: I'm going to do the thing that god put Ron Burgundy on this earth to do, have salon-quality hair and read the news.

[On how to use a reentry module to get back to Earth] You just point the damned thing at Earth. It's not rocket science.

Matt Kowalski

General Murray: I can't make out whether you're bloody bad-mannered or just half-witted. T.E. Lawrence: I have the same problem, sir.

GET OFF MY CASE MOTHERFUCKER!

Brad Hamilton

Steve: This is great I never win at checkers.
Mike: Well, it's kinda easy to win when you NEVER MOVE YOUR BACK ROW!

Your dogs are gay!

Dog Spa receptionist

We'll get them. We'll throw the book at them. Assualt and kidnapping. Assault with a gun and a bourbon and a sports car. We'll get them.

Roger Thornhill

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