Carter: How long this flight?
Lee: Fifteen hours.
Carter: Fifteen hours? What are we gonna do for fifteen hours?
Lee: [Puts on head phones and begins to sing] Huh! War! Uh! Good God "yaw."
Carter: Oh, hell no! Stewardess! Get me another seat!

Hey, sprechen ze talk?

Harry Ellis

Welcome to my nuclear family.


Ray Kinsella: What are you grinning at, you ghost?
Shoeless Joe Jackson: If you build it...
[nods toward John Kinsella]
Shoeless Joe Jackson: ... HE will come.

There's sometimes I think that I swear you're a fucking faggot.


Tracy Turnblad: How do you get your hair so - so flat?
Beatnik Chick: With an iron, man. I play my bongos, listen to Odetta, and then I iron my hair, dig?

Plainview: Are you an angry man, Henry?
Henry Brands: About what?
Plainview: Are you envious? Do you get envious?
Henry Brands: I don't think so. No.
Plainview: I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. I hate most people.
Henry Brands: That part of me is gone... working and not succeeding- all my failures has left me... I just don't... care.
Plainview: Well, if it's in me, it's in you. There are times when I look at people and I see nothing worth liking. I want to earn enough money that I can get away from everyone.
Henry Brands: What will you do about your boy?
Plainview: I don't know. Maybe it will change. Does your sound come back to you? I don't know. Maybe no one knows that. A doctor might not know that.
Henry Brands: Where is his mother?
Plainview: I don't want to talk about those things. I see the worst in people. I don't need to look past seeing them to get all I need. I've built my hatreds up over the years, little by little, Henry... to have you here gives me a second breath. I can't keep doing this on my own with these... people.

Marriage Counselor: On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the happiness of your marriage?
Jane Smith: 8.
John Smith: Wait. Could you clarify? Is 10 the highest? 10 being perfectly happy and 1 being totally miserable or...
Marriage Counselor: Just respond instinctively.
John Smith: Ok. Ready?
Jane Smith, John Smith: 8.

Drillbit Taylor: What do you teach?
English Teacher: English.
Drillbit Taylor: My native tongue.

Anthony: You could fill the Staple Center with what you don't know.
Peter: The Kings are playing tonight.
Anthony: You don't like hockey! Only reason you say you so it to piss me off!
Peter: ...I love hockey.

Statler: Is this movie in 3-D?
Waldorf: Nope! The Muppets are as one-dimensional as they've always been!

This class will be a waste of your - and what is infinitely worse - my time.


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