You know it's all funny until somebody gets shot in the leg.

A.J.

I love your eyes. I even love... your mother.

Johnny

Jason Bourne: You killed Marie.
Ward Abbott: You killed Marie. The moment you got into her car. The moment you entered her life, she was dead.

Look out, Mister Potato Head!

Pee-wee

Alexander McAnally III: Dash into shore, cut across shipping lanes...
Edie Bailey: This is a hurricane coming straight at us!
Melissa Brown: Let me reduce sails, Sandy, or even go back home.
Alexander McAnally III: This is my boat. We're gonna ride this thing out, not for fun, for safety. Do what I've always done: go with the flow.

You'd better not be back there jacking off to the Japanese comics, I swear to God...

Comic Book Clerk

MacGruber: You're loco, man! Subtitles: "You're crazy, man!"

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry. Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.

Donkey

I don't hold with equality in all things, just equality before the law, nothing more.

Thaddeus Stevens

In some countries, my hair is considered currency.

General George Armstrong Custer

G.G. Sparrow: Well, I am who I am.
Vi Rose Hill: Well, maybe you were... five procedures ago!

Admiral Benson: I slipped on a crab. Who put that crab there?
Lt. Commander Block: I don't see any crab, sir.
Admiral Benson: Don't tell me. There were two crabs. They work in pairs. I went to Annapolis for chrissakes!

FREE Movie Newsletter