You guys playing cards?


I look quite pretty.


[to the other three] I'm just swimming here with my gay friends.

Woody Stevens

Karen Holmes: I never knew it could be like this! Nobody ever kissed me the way you do.
Sergeant Milton Warden: Nobody?
Karen Holmes: No, nobody.
Sergeant Milton Warden: Not even one? Out of all the men you've been kissed by?
Karen Holmes: [giggling] Now that'd take some figuring. How many men do you think there've been?
Sergeant Milton Warden: I wouldn't know. Can't you give me a rough estimate?
Karen Holmes: Not without an adding machine. Do you have the adding machine with you?
Sergeant Milton Warden: I forgot to bring it.

My sweet dick, it's magic!

Patches O'Houlihan

The president's shitting bricks so high he can build the pyramids himself.

Jack O'Donnell

Anthony: Maybe we should've robbed your house. You ever think of that?
Dignan: You know there's nothing to steal from my mom and Craig!

Franny: Wilbur, what have you done? How could you bring HIM here?
Wilbur: That... is an excellent question.

You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!


Jerry Lee Lewis: We're all going to hell for the songs we sing!
June Carter: And what about me, Jerry Lee; am I going to hell too?
Jerry Lee Lewis: No, June, you're beautiful.

I just found out, that a girl got killed here last week, and you knew it! You knew there was a shark out there! You knew it was dangerous! But you let people go swimming anyway? You knew all those things! But still my boy is dead now. And there's nothing you can do about it. My boy is dead. I wanted you to know that.

Mrs. Kintner

Mini-Me: [Mini-Me unzips his pants]
Nigel Powers: My lord! you're a tripod. What you been feedin' that thing, eh? It looks like a baby's arm holding an apple. Good thing is, if you ever get tired, you can use it as a kickstand!

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