Dr. Nefario: Here's the new weapon you ordered.
[Shoots minion with the fart gun]
Gru: No, no, no. I said DART gun.
Dr. Nefario: Oh yes. Cause I was wondering... under what circumstances would we use this?
Glen: Hi I'm Glen. Guess how many fingers I have?
Glen: No. I have eight and two thumbs.
Sam: YOU'RE MY LAWYER!
Rita: That's right.
Harry Dunne: Come on, Lloyd. You gotta get over her. Mary Samsonite was just a girl.
Harry Dunne: That's it, kid. Come on, come on, come on! Spit it out.
Lloyd Christmas: GOT YOU!
Harry Dunne: Wait a minute. Do you mean you have been faking for 20 years?
Lloyd Christmas: Mm-hmm.
Harry Dunne: And it was all for a gag?
Lloyd Christmas: Yep.
Harry Dunne: That's... awesome!
I came here to beg Lord Caldlow to destroy that machine. I am not going to beg you for anything.Cutter
Admiral Roebuck: With all due respect, M, I think you don't have the balls for this job.
M: Perhaps. But the advantage is, I don't have to think with them all the time.
Randal Graves: 17-year-olds nowadays are crazy. They're up for anything. They even like it when you go ass to mouth.
Dante Hicks: You never go ass to mouth, Randal.
Randal Graves: It's never my idea!
Marisa: I mean, I don't know what I'm doing here, Steph. What am I doing? This is all a lie.
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: No, honey. It's more like a dream, you know? And for one night, you're living it for all of us. Don't think about tomorrow. Don't think about anything but tonight. Tonight, the maid is a lie. And this, this is who you really are.
By the way, you were wrong about my outfit. It's the Cheryl Ladd collection and I got it at JC Penney's. On sale!Matilda [to Katinka]
Larry: Are you leaving me? Because of this? Why?
Larry: Cupid? He's our joke.
I'm sick of watching people pay for our mistakes...Steve Rogers
Tallahassee: We got taken hostages by a twelve-year-old?
Columbus: Well, girls mature way faster than boys.