Eric Cartman: More people will come if they think we have punch and pie.
Kyle: [typing] Punch and pie.

No, no, no don't just hork it down!


Judge Smails: Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois, and I want them now. Chop chop.
Smoke Porterhouse: Yes judge, right away judge.

Ellerby: [on Sullivan getting married] Marriage is an important part of getting ahead. It lets people know you're not a homo. A married guy seems more stable. People see the ring, they think, "At least somebody can stand the son of a bitch." Ladies see the ring, they know immediately that you must have some cash, and your cock must work.
Colin Sullivan: [laughs nervously] Yeah, it's workin'. Overtime!

Coach Boone: Petey, how many feet are in a mile? How many feet are in a mile?
Petey Jones: [mumbles incoherently]
Coach Boone: 5,280 feet! You pick this ball up and run every one of 'em! You're killing me, Petey! You're killing me!

Safe... when I'm with you I feel so safe... like I'm home.

Andrew Largeman

Prince Akeem: Sir, did you happen to catch the professional football contest on television last night?
Cleo McDowell: No, I didn't.
Prince Akeem: Oh sir, the Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay. And in the end, the Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a big "H". It was a most ripping victory.
Cleo McDowell: Son.
Prince Akeem: Yes?
Cleo McDowell: If you want to keep working here, stay off the drugs.
Prince Akeem: Yes

Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman.
Rhett Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.

Some are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them.

Teddy Roosevelt

Ronnie: Suck it, "Reindeer Games"!
Danny: I'm not Ben Affleck.
Ronnie: You white, then you Ben Affleck.
Wheeler: You *are* white.
Danny: That's true, I am white.

Ian Faith: The Boston gig has been cancelled...
David St. Hubbins: What?
Ian Faith: Yeah. I wouldn't worry about it though, it's not a big college town.

The key to a happy life is to accept you are never actually in control.


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