Desperation is a stinky cologne.

Police Chief Grady

Annette: I don't know if this'll help. But sometimes when I'm feeling down, I turn to Jesus and he helps me through it.
Kathryn: Thank you.
Annette: All right, well, I'll see you around campus.
Kathryn: Looking forward to it... Freak.

Sebastian: Cecile, you know what would be super-duper sexy? If you lost all the clothes.
Cecile Caldwell: I don't think so.

Did you just fart?

B.J.

Marvin Boggs: [from trailer ] Why are you trying to kill me?
Frank Moses: Look, why would I be trying to kill you?
Marvin Boggs: Because last time we met, I tried to kill you.
Frank Moses: That was a long time ago.
Marvin Boggs: Some people hold on to things like that.

Dory: How about we play a game?
Marlin: All right.
Dory: Okay, I'm thinking of something orange, and it's small...
Marlin: It's me.
Dory: Right!

Shaun: Mom, you know money can't buy happiness...
Cindy: Oh grow up, yes it can!
Shaun: But you and Dad have money and you're both miserable.
Cindy: ...He's miserable?

Reid Garwin: [seeing a girl in a short skirt, slapping a $20 on the table] Blue. Cotton.
Tyler Sims: [slapping down a $20] Pink lace.
Pogue Parry: [slapping down a $20] Boys, that girl hasn't worn panties since she was 12. [a gust of wind blows the girl's skirt up, revealing no panties] Keep the change, man.

Peter Parker: [eating meat loaf from the fridge exhausted] This beats all of the meat loafs.
May Parker: Something is very wrong.
Ben Parker: Yeah. Nobody likes your meat loaf.

Heather McNamara: God, aren't they fed yet? Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?
Veronica Sawyer: Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians... Tator Tots. It's a real party continent.

I shrink the moon, I grab the moon, I sit on the toilet bowl... what?
[sees a child's drawing in his plans, of himself sitting on a toilet bowl]

Gru

Card player #1: Well, looks like you just about cleaned everybody out, fella. You haven't lost a hand since you got to deal. What's the secret of your success?
Sundance Kid: [pause] Prayer.

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