Billy Mack: I realized that Christmas is... is the time to be with the people you love.
Joe: Right.
Billy Mack: And I realized that, as dire chance and... and... and fateful cockup would have it, here I am, mid-50s, and without knowing it I've gone and spent most of my adult life with a... with a chubby employee. And... and much as it grieves me to say it, it... it might be that the people I love is, in fact... you.
Joe: Well, this is a surprise.
Billy Mack: Yeah.
Joe: Ten minutes at Elton John's, you're as gay as a maypole!

Private: Are you my family?
Kowalski: You don't have a family, and we're all gonna die.
Private: What?
Skipper: What's the matter with you, Kowalski?

Sid: It's a boy!
Diego: That's a tail.
Sid: It's a girl!

[after getting shot] This is gonna ruin my whole day!

Dr. Grace Augustine

Jack Byrnes: I'm just curious, did you pick the color of the car?
Greg Focker: Uh no, the guy at the window did, why?
Jack Byrnes: Well they say geniuses pick green.
Greg Focker: Oh.
Jack Byrnes: But you didn't pick it.

Henchman: Penguin... killing sleeping children. Isn't it that a little ah...
[Penguin grabs an umbrella and shoots Henchman dead]
The Penguin: No! It's a lot!
[Kicks Henchman into the water]

Seriously, who is this? Is this Burt from accounting?

The Mayor of Who-ville

Dwight: We're still missing the teenage love puppy and Steve the Pirate.
Owen: Who's Steve the Pirate?
Dwight: The only guy on our team that dresses like a pirate!
Owen: Wait, there's a guy on our team who dresses like a pirate?

Five and Dime Manager: Divorce is an abomination. Marriage is for life.
June Carter: I'm sorry I let you down, ma'am.

Edward Wilson: You are never to tell anyone what it is that I do!
Clover Wilson: What you do? I don't know what you do! You leave at five, you're home at ten, seven days a week! I live with a ghost! I don't know anything about you!

Eve Kendall: I tipped the steward five dollars to seat you here if you should come in.
Roger Thornhill: Is that a proposition?
Eve Kendall: I never discuss love on an empty stomach.
Roger Thornhill: You've already eaten!
Eve Kendall: But you haven't.

What you are imagining right now? That place can be as real as anything.

Madam Gorski

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