If I die, tell my turtle he's gay!

Master Roshi

You probably think this world is a dream come true... but you're wrong.


Kasey: Courtney'll get captain. The guys like touching her butt.
Darcy: Yeah, she's got a lot to hang on to. What's the plural for 'butt'? On one person, I mean.
Carver: She puts the "ass" in "massive."
Darcy: You put the "lewd" in "deluded."

Tommy: Where are we gonna take the deer?
Richard Hayden: I dunno, the vet?
Tommy: You take dead animals to the vet?
Richard Hayden: Why not? I'd take you to the vet.
Tommy: Yeah I'll take you to the... Um...
Richard Hayden: Got that?
Tommy: Shut up.

[to her husband after he stares at a group of girls] Why don't you just lick 'em when they walk by?


Zed: You could be my right-hand man.
Oh: I've seen what you do with your right hand. No, thank you.

All every woman really wants, be it a mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep dicking.

Banky Edwards

Hand me the fucking keys, you cocksucker, what the fuck?


Heywood: You really knocked the crap out of that one.
Willie Mays Hayes: Oh, I plan to get at least a double out of this. [shows Heywood his black gloves] I bought a hundred of these. One for every base I'm gonna steal. Excuse me while I take my first step toward the Hall of Fame.
Heywood: My ass.

Vivian: That would make you a... lawyer.
Edward Lewis: What makes you think I'm a lawyer?
Vivian: You have that sharp, useless look about you.

Mr. Salt: You sure this thing'll float, eh, Wonka?
Willy Wonka: With your buoyancy, sir, rest assured.

We're not hit! We're not hit! Stop side-seat driving!

Captain Steven Hiller

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