Frank Falenczyk: Are you pregnant?
Laurel Pearson: No! Unless you put something in my egg-roll. And then put the egg-roll in my...

My mother committed these murders during an exorcism.

Isabella Rossi

Everett Flatch: You think #22's gonna take their last shot, Dad?
Wilbur 'Shooter' Flatch: Yeah, probably... they been pickin' low all night. Rade, let yourself get taken out! Uh, Buddy, drop down and take his place! Close that lane!

Holy Jesus. What are these goddamn animals?

Raoul Duke

William: Where will we live? In my hovel? With the pigs inside during the winter so they won't freeze?
Jocelyn: Yes, William. With the pigs.

In my experience, there's no such thing as luck.


We train young men to drop fire on people, but their commanders won't allow them to write "fuck" on their airplanes because it's obscene!


Go Go: A lunatic in a mask just tried to kill us.
Fred: How cool is that? I mean, it's scary, obviously, but how cool?

William Shakespeare: I have a new play.
Christopher Marlowe: What's it called?
William Shakespeare: Romeo and Ethel the Pirate's Daughter.
Christopher Marlowe: What is the story?
William Shakespeare: Well, there's this pirate... In truth I have not written a word.

That's what you get! Ha Ha! Look at you! Ship's all banged up! Who's the man? Huh? Who's the man? Wait till I get another plane! I'm a line ya friends up right beside you! Where ya at, huh? Where ya at?

Captain Steven Hiller

Calamy, Midshipman: Excuse me, sir, but Mr. Blankeney said that you served under Lord Nelson at the Nile.
Capt. Jack Aubrey: Indeed. I was a young lieutenant, not much older than you are now. And Mr. Pullings... Mr.P ullings was a sniveling midshipman... still yearning for hearth and home.

Samir: I have a question.
Peter Gibbons: Yes?
Samir: In... in these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women?
Peter Gibbons: Yep, you sure can.
Samir: OK, I'll do it.

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