[on the Winter Soldier] He's fast... strong... and has a metal arm.

Steve Rogers

Ethan: The Secretary is dead. The four of us are all that remains of the IMF. No safe house, no support, or extraction. Everyone connected with this man is an asset with valuable information. We come back with our target, or we don't come back.
Brandt: And uh, how do you propose that we do that?
Jane: We take him out.
Benji: Yeah, we'll take him out, but discreetly.
Brandt: Discreetly?

Barton Keyes: You know, you, uh, oughta take a look at the statistics on suicide some time. You might learn a little something about the insurance business.
Edward S. Norton: Mister Keyes, I was RAISED in the insurance business.
Barton Keyes: Yeah, in the front office. Come now, you've never read an actuarial table in your life, have you? Why they've got ten volumes on suicide alone. Suicide by race, by color, by occupation, by sex, by seasons of the year, by time of day. Suicide, how committed: by poison, by firearms, by drowning, by leaps. Suicide by poison, subdivided by *types* of poison, such as corrosive, irritant, systemic, gaseous, narcotic, alkaloid, protein, and so forth; suicide by leaps, subdivided by leaps from high places, under the wheels of trains, under the wheels of trucks, under the feet of horses, from *steamboats*. But, Mr. Norton, of all the cases on record, there's not one single case of suicide by leap from the rear end of a moving train. And you know how fast that train was going at the point where the body was found? Fifteen miles an hour. Now how can anybody jump off a slow-moving train like that with any kind of expectation that he would kill himself? No. No soap, Mr. Norton. We're sunk, and we'll have to pay through the nose, and you know it.

Ethel: What are you talking about?
Chas: The apartment. I have to get some new sprinklers and a back-up security system installed.
Ethel: But there are no sprinklers here either.
Chas: We might have to do something about that too.

[to the crowd] We certainly hope you all enjoy the show. And remember, people, that no matter who you are and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there are still some things that makes us all the same. You. Me. Them. Everybody. Everybody!


Goodbye, Hooker Lady!


I know what it's like to feel abandoned.


Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda: Honestly?
Hansel: Yes.
Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?

Steve Stifler: What did you cocks do to him?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: You came to see me in action?
Jim: Yeah man, I thought you sounded really good!
Steve Stifler: Yeah man, I think you need your balls reattached!

I'm going to need a bigger antenna.

Young Ellie

Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, come on. Don't be scared.
Sherman Schrader: Scared? I'm not scared. You're scared.
Hands: Schrader, you were scared to try the new flavor of Dr. Pepper.
Sherman Schrader: I told you that in confidence Hands!
Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, you were afraid when you're tooth fell out because you were terrified of the Tooth Fairy.
Sherman Schrader: That's actually a legitimate fear. She was rifling through my shit.

[Dentist drills and patient screams]
Peach: Now he's using the Schilder technique.
Bloat: He's been favoring that one lately. He's using a Hedstrom file.
Gurgle: That's not a Hedstrom file, that's a K-flex.
Bloat: It has a teardrop cross section, clearly it's a HEDSTROM.
Gurgle: No, it's a K-FLEX.
Gurgle: K-FLEX.

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