Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!

Fantasy baseball player

[to Driver Ed student] Don't touch nothing! You can't negotiate turns. You can't signal properly. You can't maintain speed. You can't parallel park. Hell, you can't drive, honey. Shit, I can't swim, I know I can't. So you know what I do? I stay my black ass out the pool!

Donny

Don't worry, Master Wayne. It takes a little time to get back into the swing of things.

Alfred

Mr. Braddock: Don't you think that idea is a little half-baked?
Benjamin: Oh no, Dad, it's completely baked.

Eli: Dude!
Matthew: I know.
Klitz: Dude!
Matthew: I know.

Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.

H.I.

[evaluating a site for their business]
Dr. Peter Venkman: What do you think, Egon?
Dr. Egon Spengler: I think this building should be condemned. There's serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it's completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.
Dr Ray Stantz: Hey. Does this pole still work?
[slides down a fireman's pole]
Dr Ray Stantz: Wow. This place is great. When can we move in? You gotta try this pole. I'm gonna get my stuff. Hey. We should stay here. Tonight. Sleep here. You know, to try it out.
[Venkman looks at Spengler. Spengler slowly shakes his head. Venkman turns to the real estate agent]
Dr. Peter Venkman: I think we'll take it.

Everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor but they couldn't possibly all have good taste.

Marie

Fifty bucks, Grandpa. For seventy-five, the wife can watch.

Kit

Jenko: What? Co-ed bathrooms!
Schmidt: Fuck! I'm not gonna take a shit the entire time we're here.

Jim Lovell: Gentlemen, what are your intentions?
[Jack Swigert and Fred Haise turn around]
Jim Lovell: I'd like to go home.

George... what do you know about cocaine?

Diego

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