Sybil Stone: Are those mushrooms?
Meredith Morton: Yes, those are mushrooms.
Patrick Thomas: Isn't Everett allergic to mushrooms?
Meredith Morton: He is?
Ben Stone: OK, what we got going on over here? Santa's workshop. Er... OK, wha-what can I do to be of service Meredith, wha-what can I do?
Meredith Morton: Oh, well... I think I'm all set. Everett had to run some errands in town, then he and Thad are going to meet Julie's bus...
Ben Stone: Are those mushrooms?
Meredith Morton: I DIDN'T KNOW!

Coach Klein: Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too.
Bobby Boucher: No.
Coach Klein: Gatorade.
Bobby Boucher: H2O.
Coach Klein: Gatorade.
Bobby Boucher: H2O.
Coach Klein: Water sucks. It really, really sucks. Water sucks.

Julie: He said that he loved me.
Helen: Men say that. They all say that. Then they cum.

You think you can take me? You need a fucking army if you gonna take me!

Tony Montana

Anakin Skywalker: I sense Count Dooku.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: I sense a trap.
Anakin Skywalker: Next move?
Obi-Wan Kenobi: [smiling] Spring the trap.

[Neo tries a drink made by Dozer and winces]
Cypher: Good shit, huh? It's good for two things: degreasing engines and killing brain cells.

Jerry Shaw, you have been activated. Your compliance is vital.

Woman on phone

Don't avenge me, Nancy. It'll be the death of you.

John Hartigan

Valerie: Humper-dinck! Humperdinck! Humperdinck! Humperdinck!
Miracle Max: Get back, witch.
Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more.

Ladies and gentlemen, l'm sorry to drag you from your desserts. There are just one or two little things I feel I should say, as best man. This is only the second time l've been a best man. I hope I did OK that time. The couple in question are at least still talking to me. Unfortunately, they're not actually talking to each other. The divorce came through a couple of months ago. But l'm assured it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Paula knew Piers had slept with her sister before I mentioned it in the speech. The fact that he'd slept with her mother came as a surprise, but I think was incidental to the nightmare of recrimination and violence that became their two-day marriage. Anyway, enough of that. My job today is to talk about Angus. There are no skeletons in his cupboard. Or so I thought. I'll come on to that in a minute. I would just like to say this. I am, as ever, in bewildered awe of anyone who makes this kind of commitment that Angus and Laura have made today. I know I couldn't do it and I think it's wonderful they can. So, back to Angus and those sheep.


Outside it is windy, but inside it is so hot, every night we have ze battle to keep the girls from taking off all their clothing. So don't go away, who knows? Tonight we may lose the battle!

Master of Ceremonies

Richie: I wrote a suicide note.
Chas: You did?
Richie: Yeah, right after I regained consciousness.

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