Young Jenny: Promise me you'll come back
Young Ed Bloom: I promise. Someday. When I'm really supposed to.

I just wanna be pure, I just wanna be pure.

Jim Carroll

Christy Cummings: It's interesting, we have kind of a family dynamic going on here which pretty much mirrors what I grew up with, I'm the mommy slash daddy, the taskmaster, the disciplinarian.
Sherri Ann Cabot: Mr. Punishment over here.
Christy Cummings: But I also reward and Sherri Ann is responsible for the unconditional love.
Sherri Ann Cabot: And the decorative ability.
Christy Cummings: The heart and the soul which was what my mom did, that was her role, she was there for the unconditional love and it worked for my family, you know... until my mom committed suicide in '81.

William: Can you keep a secret?
[the lone girl nods]
William: I was born in Cheapside, in that house over there.
[points it out to the girl]
Lone Girl in Cheapside: Really? I live just there.
[points to the house across from it]
William: Wait, how old are you?
Lone Girl in Cheapside: Nine and one half, sir.
William: Nine and one half. I wonder if you remember a man, who died just before you were born. He was as tell as a knight, his name was John Thatcher.
Lone Girl in Cheapside: Well of course I remember him.
William: You do?
Lone Girl in Cheapside: Yeah, he lives there still.
[William is shocked]
Lone Girl in Cheapside: Sometimes you can see him looking from his window, though no ones know why.
William: What do you mean?
Lone Girl in Cheapside: He's blind, sir.

We're going to have to re-do every conversation we've ever had.

John Smith

Dying is easy. Playing a lesbian is hard.

Mary Pat Hooligan

Let's start this fake college. Then, we'll go start a meth lab somewhere. It's a gateway crime. That's how these things start.

Sherman Schrader

Loki: The last four days on Earth. If I had a dick, I'd go get laid. But we can do that next best thing.
Bartleby: What's that?
Loki: Let's kill people.

The Baroness: You're far away. Where are you?
Captain von Trapp: In a world that's disappearing, I'm afraid.

Elliot: Trust me, you know the day I met you Ian kicked me out of the herd, I lost my antler, I got run over, and tied to the hood of a truck, what do you call that?
Boog: Ahhh a loser! But check this out... behold the mighty grizzly... i look like a bear, i talk like a bear but i can't fish, i can't climb a tree, i can't even go in the woods
Elliot: Thats nothing! Half doe, half buck! I'm a duck!
Boog: I ride a unicycle for crackers
Elliot: I have a glass eye
Boog: I can't snap
Elliot: I thought log was a colour
Boog: I can't see my feet!
Elliot: I killed a man!

Robert: Would you like me to call someone for you?
Giselle: I don't think they would hear you from here.

Kirby: Why do they put ice in the urinals?
Kevin: It tastes better.
Kirby: Bah Dum bum ching.

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