President Andrew Shepherd: Perhaps I didn't properly explain the fundamentals of the slowdown plan.
Sydney Ellen Wade: [feeling the bed] No, you explained it great.
President Andrew Shepherd: Are you nervous?
Sydney Ellen Wade: No.
President Andrew Shepherd: Good. My nervousness exists on... several levels. Number one, and this is in no particular order, I haven't done this in a pretty long time. Number two, uh, any expectations that you might have, given the fact that I'm... you know...
Sydney Ellen Wade: [seductively] The most powerful man in the world?
President Andrew Shepherd: Exactly, thank you.

Hippie Student: [Kumar trying to buy pot] Here, that's sixt - 80 bucks.
Kumar: 80 bucks?
Hippie Student: Yeah, 80 bucks.
Kumar: Yo, this is worth 40 tops bro!
Hippie Student: Bro? I'm not your bro, bro. ok, and that's 80 bucks. You don't feel like getting high tonight? If you don't feel like getting high, that's cool with me because there's lots of people around here. See this guy? Hey, what's up, George? I smoke buds with George all the time.
Kumar: What kind of a hippie are you?
Hippie Student: What kind of hippie am I? Man, I'm a business hippie, I understand the concept of supply and demand.

Lee: Just follow my lead. Act like a tourist.
James Carter: I am a tourist, fool!

Veronica Sawyer: What the fuck?
Rodney: Ok, now I rarely listen to Neanderthals like Kurt Kelly but he said that he and Ram had a nice little sword fight in your mouth last night.
Veronica Sawyer: Ew! That son of a bitch.

Even caring has an ulterior motive.

Dr. Paley

Wayne: Our enemy is wicked, so...
J.D.: Dude, she's Freddy Krueger.
Wayne: Damien.
J.D.: Dude, she's Vader.
Wayne: No! She's the Emperor.
J.D.: Yeah, but with really great tits.
Wayne: Ok, now Sandy, that girl, she's a real nice girl.
J.D.: Ah, yeah.
Wayne: She's a sweetheart.
J.D.: Dude, a saint.
Wayne: A goddess.
J.D.: A princess.
Wayne: No what? She's kinda like Mother Teresa.
J.D.: Yeah, but with way better tits.

Ennis Del Mar: What are ya doin'?
Jack Twist: Aguirre came by again. Said my uncle didn't die after all. Says bring 'em down.
Ennis Del Mar: Bring 'em down? Why? It's the middle of August.
Jack Twist: Says there's a storm moving in from the Pacific, worse than this one.
Ennis Del Mar: Well that snow barely stuck an hour. Huh? 'Sides, that son-of-a-bitch, he's cheatin' us outta a whole month's pay. That ain't right.
Jack Twist: I can spare ya a loan bud, if you're short on cash. Give it to ya when we get to Signal.
Ennis Del Mar: I don't need your money, huh, you know I ain't in the poorhouse. Shit!

[in letter to Tibby] I think we may have been very, very wrong about the pants. The one time I wore them I almost drowned...


Randal Graves: That was definitely worse than "Clash of the Titans."
Dante Hicks: I can't believe Judi Dench played me.
Randal Graves: Remind me to renew that restraining order.
Dante Hicks: Why?
Randal Graves: Because I'm going to blast that flick on the Internet tonight.

And what world do you live in?

Carl Stargher

Well, I think Bill's got a point. If you look at the whole life of the planet, we... you know, man, has only been around for a few blinks of an eye. So if the infection wipes us all out, that is a return to normality.

Sergeant Farrell

All this time I thought I was more to you than a flaccid story.

Van Wilder

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