Lt. Frank Drebin: How are the children?
Jane Spencer: We didn't have any children.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Yes, of course.
Jane Spencer: How was your prostate operation?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Oh, good. Fine. Never been better.

Hey Trish! I'm gonna find your Aaliyah looking ass!

Maurice

Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.

Mike McDermott

Heroin had robbed Renton of his sex drive, but now it returned with a vengeance. And as the impotence of those days faded into memory, grim desperation took hold of his sex-crazed mind. His post-junk libido, fuelled by alcohol and amphetamine, taunted him remorselessly with his own unsatisfied desire.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton

Gordon: I got you a present
Libby: Aww thanks
Gordon: It's a CD, I hope you haven't got it. Because I don't have a receipt and I didn't exactly buy it.

I'm a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady.

Chuck Sherman

Sam: It must be getting near tea-time, leastways in decent places where there *is* still tea-time.
Gollum: We're not *in* decent places.

Unless you have a half-dozen very hard rectangular breasts, we need to talk.

Barry

Bill Steiner: Hey I think someone just shot a torpedo at us!
Capt. Bart Mancuso: No shit, Buckwheat, now get the hell out of here!

Mary Jane Watson: What's happened to you?
Peter Parker: I don't know... But I have to stop it.

Elle: That's great, Paulette. Is that the only interaction you two have ever had?
Paulette: No! Sometimes I say "okay" instead of "fine."

What the hell is going on! I mean what the hell is going on!

Valentine McKee

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