Mr. Ryan: Who was Joan of Arc?
Bill: Noah's wife?

Selfridge: [In the tech room, Selfridge putts a golf ball into a mug and laughs] You see that?
Worker: Yes sir!
Selfridge: No you didn't, you were looking at the monitor. I love this putter, Ronnie! I love this putter!
Dr. Grace Augustine: Parker. You know, I used to think it was benign neglect, but now I see that you are intentionally screwing me.
Selfridge: Grace, you know, I enjoy our little talks.
[He putts the ball again, it's about to go in the mug but Grace kicks the mug away]
Dr. Grace Augustine: [Deadpan] Oops.

Are those sad tissues or happy tissues?

Kemo

Caroline: I found Jesus!
Norah: What?
Caroline: Jesus!
Caroline: He's much taller in person...

Jack Byrnes: Okay we can play 3 on 2, but we'll need someone to be official quarterback.
Bernie Focker: Gay goes both ways.
Jack Byrnes: Oh, I'll bet he does.

Shaun: Who the hell put this on?
Ed: It's on random.
Liz: For fuck's sake!

This is just like CSpan, except I'm not bored.

Elle

Anna Crowe, I am in love... in love I am.

Malcolm Crowe

Severus Snape: [to Harry] In the past it was often of the Dark Lords pleasure to invade the minds of his victims, creating visions designed to torture them into madness, only extracting the last exquisite ounce of agony, only when he had them beging for death would he finally... kill them. Used properly the power of Occlumency will sheild you from access or influence. In these lessons, I will attempt to penetrate your mind, you will attempt to resist. Perpare yourself!
[Harry sits up. Snape raises wand]
Severus Snape: Legilimens!

Rapunzel, Rapunzel. Let down your golden hair extensions.

Snow White

I hate you Kenny.

Eric Cartman

In a way, each of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be *the actual* El Guapo!

Lucky Day

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