Lena: Hey, how did your suckumentary turn out?
Tibby: Uh... uh... well, it actually evolved into something quite different than I expected, so...
Bridget: What are you gonna call it?
Tibby: [thinking] Hmmmm... Bailey.

Arley: Sit down, I want to talk to you.
Trevor McKenney: You want to lie to me.

[Monkey slaps Larry on the head, Larry retaliates] Lawrence, who's evolved?

Teddy Roosevelt

Harry: I have never lied to you, I have always told you some version of the truth.
Erica Barry: The truth doesn't have versions, okay?

Nikola Tesla: I apologize for leaving without saying goodbye, but I seem to have outstayed my welcome in Colorado. The truly extraordinary is not permitted in science and industry. Perhaps you'll find more luck in your field, where people are happy to be mystified. You will find what you are looking for in this box. Alley has written you a thorough set of instructions. I add only one suggestion on using the machine: destroy it. Drop it to the bottom of the deepest ocean. Such a thing will bring you only misery.

You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said "Hey. Smoke up Johnny."

John Bender

Garth Algar: Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?
Wayne Campbell: No.
[cracks up laughing]
Wayne Campbell: No.
Garth Algar: Neither did I. I was just asking.

Some lives will always matter more than others...

Balem

Sarah Marshall: I hate your music.
Aldous Snow: Yeah well, I fucked the housekeeper the other day.

I'm the most dangerous man in this prison. You know why? 'Cause I control the underwear.

Lamont

Maya Hayes: What's a threesome?
Will Hayes: It's a game, that adults play sometimes... When they're bored.
Maya Hayes: ...Whatever.

Get away from my boyfriend, you crazy bitch!

Hannah Lewis

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