[to Leatherface] You... you damn fool! You ruined the door! Ain't he got no pride in his home?

Old Man

Lena: Hey, how did your suckumentary turn out?
Tibby: Uh... uh... well, it actually evolved into something quite different than I expected, so...
Bridget: What are you gonna call it?
Tibby: [thinking] Hmmmm... Bailey.

It's like War of the Worlds.

Merrill

Harry Burns: That's it? Some faceless guy rips off all your clothes, and THAT'S the sex fantasy you've been having since you were 12?
Sally Albright: Well sometimes I vary it a little.
Harry Burns: Which part?
Sally Albright: What I'm wearing.

Andrew Largeman: There's a handful of normal kid things I kind of missed.
Sam: There's a handful of normal kid things I kind of WISH I missed.

Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face.

General Jack D. Ripper

Phillip Altman: Sometimes I think you're too good for me.
Tracy Sullivan: Don't be silly, I'm definitely too good for you.

Audrey: So did you have any trouble finding the place?
Fletcher: All right, I'm late. I ran oughta gas! The gage is broken. Rough neighborhood too. Good thing I was wearing neutral gang colors. Might've had to rip out my nine and bust a cap! My mind on my money and my money on my mind!
Audrey: They'd never hurt you, Fletcher. You're their lawyer.
Fletcher: Ooh. That was below the belt. Try to keep the gloves up.
Max Reede: Mom, dad's taking me to see wrestling!
Audrey: Ugh. Fletcher!
Fletcher: Ugh. Audrey!

What kind of a fucked up tour is this?

Tourist

Narrator: Oh, yeah, Chloe... Chloe looked the way Meryl Streep's skeleton would look if you made it smile and walk around the party being extra nice to everybody.
Chloe: Well, I'm still here. But I don't know for how long. That's as much certainty as anyone can give me. But I've got some good news: I no longer have any fear of death. But... I am in a pretty lonely place. No-one will have sex with me. I'm so close to the end and all I want is to get laid for the last time. I have pornographic movies in my apartment, and lubricants, and amyl nitrate...

[sees children crossing a river] Look at these assholes!

Francis

Heywood: Going somewhere, meat?
Willie Mays Hayes: About 90 feet.

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