Matty! It's Thriller!

Jenna

The Führer wasn't a mousy little mama's boy! The Führer was BUTCH!

Franz Liebkind

Cop663: [to new bar of soap] You mustn't let yourself go. You've gained weight so fast. She may have gone but life goes on. You must stop indulging yourself.
Cop663: [to new towel] You're a real disappointment to me. You've changed so much. You can't just switch personality like this. Her walking out is no excuse.
Cop663: [as it drips] It was such a relief when I saw it crying. It may look different, but it's still true to itself. It's still an emotionally charged towel.

Too bad Hallmark doesn't make a "Sorry your dodgeball coach got killed by two tons of irony" card.

Peter La Fleur

Reports of my assimilation have been greatly exaggerated.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard

Sam Spade: Haven't you anything better to do than to keep popping in here early every morning and asking a lot of fool questions?
Lt. Dundy: And gettin' a lot of lyin' answers!
Sam Spade: Take it easy.

Clear the mechanism.

Billy Chapel

We have some planes...

Mohammed Atta

Marla Singer: There are things about you that I like. You're smart, you're funny, you're... spectacular in bed... But you're intolerable! You have very serious emotional problems. Deep seated problems for which you should seek professional help.
Narrator: I know, and I'm sorry...
Marla Singer: Yeah, you're sorry, I'm sorry, everybody's sorry, but... I can't do this anymore. I can't. And I won't. I'm gone.

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

Wiseman

Lays down a monster. The fuck did you lay that down?

Teddy KGB

Agent Pryzwarra: It's not your fault she dies.
Doug Carlin: Well, that's one theory.

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