Oh, great. Valium. Not only will we be able to go to sleep, if we get attacked in the middle of the night, we won't even care.

Jim

If I had known I was gonna meet the president, I would've worn a tie. Look at me, I look like a schliemiel.

Julius Levinson

Carol: [John turns off the radio] Why did you do that?
John Milner: I don't like that surfin' shit. Rock and roll's been going down hill ever since Buddy Holly died.
Carol: Don't you think the Beach Boys are boss?
John Milner: You would, you grungy little twirp.
Carol: Grungy? You big weenie! If I had a boyfriend, he'd pound you.
John Milner: Yeah, sure.

A Woman is like an artichoke, you must work hard to get to her heart.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

Jesus Paul! Why don't you just fucking rape me?

Macha

Chemist: Blast off: one-eight-oh. Two hundred: Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval. Two ten: U.S. Government certified. Two twenty: lunar trajectory, junk of the month club, sirloin steak. Two thirty: Grade A poison. Absolute dynamite. Eighty-nine percent pure junk. Best I've ever seen. If the rest is like this, you'll be dealing on this load for two years.
Joel Weinstock: So you say it's worth half a million?
Chemist: How many kilos?
Salvatore "Sal" Boca: Sixty.
Chemist: Sixty kilos, eight big ones per kilo, right? This stuff will take a seven to one hit on the street.
Salvatore "Sal" Boca: And by the time it gets down to nickel bags, it will be worth at least thirty-two million.
Joel Weinstock: Thank you, Howard. Take what's left there with you and good night.

I need you... to be human again. I need you here.

Taya Renae Kyle

[into shaky camera] My name is Robert Hawkins. Approximately seven hours ago some *thing* attacked the city. If you found this, if you're watching this then you probably know more about it than I do.

Rob

President Andrew Shepherd: Do you know what your problem is?
Sydney Ellen Wade: What's my problem?
President Andrew Shepherd: Sex and nervousness.
Sydney Ellen Wade: Sex and nervousness is my problem?
President Andrew Shepherd: Yes.

Roger Thornhill: How do we know it's not a fake? It looks like a fake.
Bidder: Well, one thing we know. You're no fake. You are a genuine idiot.

No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.

Rhett Butler

FYI, I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less.

Tallahassee

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