Billy Clanton: Why, it's the drunk piano player. You're so drunk, you can't hit nothin'. In fact, you're probably seeing double.
Doc Holliday: [takes out a second gun] I have two guns, one for each of ya.

Raoul Duke: Look, there's two women fucking a polar bear!
Dr. Gonzo: Don't tell me these things. Not now man.

Don't believe everything you read. Especially The Mirror.


You're trying to defend your family, that's admirable. I'm trying to defend the nation from alien war.

Harold Attinger

Gracie: Get off of me! I thought you were gay!
Neil Patrick Harris: I am for that!

[stands tall with a hand over his heart] Mayor Goldie Wilson. Like the sound of that.

Goldie Wilson

Listen, baby, when we first met - you and me - you thought I was common. Well, how right you was. I was common as dirt. You showed me a snapshot of the place with them columns, and I pulled you down off them columns, and you loved it, having them colored lights goin'. And wasn't we happy together? Wasn't it all okay till she showed here? And wasn't we happy together? Wasn't it all OK? Till she showed here. Hoity-toity, describin' me like a ape.

Stanley Kowalski

I miss my old chair.


Military Clerk: Brandon Leonard King?
Brandon King: Yes.
Military Clerk: You have orders to report to the First Brigade.
Brandon King: Not me, I'm gettin' out today.
Military Clerk: You leave on the 22nd, shipping back to Iraq. You've been Stop-Lossed.

Kermit: And not one single person noticed I'd been replaced by an evil criminal mastermind?
Fozzie Bear: It sounds worse than it was...
Walter: No, it's as bad as it sounds.

Sweet Joesph, my son's a fairy.

Vance Wilder, Sr.

So I went to her school for that grade. Grade - that's grade twelve. And we meet. She was... fucking like a doll. A beautiful porcelain doll. And the hips, child-bearing hips, you know that? So, so beautiful. And I cheated on her... over and over and over again. Because I wanted to be a man. And I didn't want her to be a woman, you know? A smart, free person who was something! My fucking mind then. So stupid, that fucking mind! Stupid! Jesus Christ! What would I think, did I think for what I'd done? She was my wife for twenty-three years... and I went behind her over and over. Fucking asshole that I am. I'd go out and I'd fuck and I'd come home and get in her bed... and say...”I love you." This is Jack's mother. His mother, Lily. These two... that I had... and I lost. This is the regret that you make. This is the... regret that you make and the something you take and the blah, blah, blah, something, something. Gimme a cigarette. Mistakes like this... you don't make. Sometimes... you make some and OK. Not OK, sometimes, you make other ones. Know that you should do better. I loved Lily. I cheated on her. She was my wife for twenty-three years. And I have a son. And she has cancer. And I'm not there, and he's forced to take care of her. He's fourteen years old. To... to take care of his mother... and watch her die on him. A little kid, and I'm not there. And she does die.

Earl Partridge

FREE Movie Newsletter