Jeff Portnoy: So, what's the plan, man? You gonna talk Vietnamese to those dudes?
Kirk Lazarus: No, no. Mandarin Chinese. What I can tell, it's what they're speaking down there.
Jeff Portnoy: How the hell do you know Chinese?
Kirk Lazarus: Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li. Second Globe, third Oscar. I prepped for that one by working in a Beijing textile factory for eight months.

I am not gonna die sober!

Jordan Belfort

Gimbel's Manager: Why are you smiling like that?
Buddy: I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite.

The Oracle: What about the others?
The Architect: ...What others?
The Oracle: The ones that want out.
The Architect: Obviously they shall be freed.
The Oracle: I have your word?
The Architect: What do you think I am? Human?

Ed McDonnough: [sobbing, taking H.I.'s mug shot again] Turn to the right.
H.I.: What's the matter, Ed?
Ed McDonnough: My "fy-ance" left me.
H.I.: [narrating] She said her fiancé had run off with a student cosmetologist, who knew how to ply her feminine wiles.
H.I.: [out loud] That sumbitch. You tell him, I think he's a damn fool, Ed. You tell him I said so - H.I. McDonnough. If he wants to discuss it, he knows where to find me: in the Maricopa County Maximum Security Correctional Facility For Men State Farm, Road Number 31, Tempe, Arizona! I'LL BE WAITIN'! ... I'll be waitin'.

My wife has an ass in her cock in the driveway, all right? I'm sorry if my thoughts are not on the photography of the film we're shooting tomorrow.

Little Bill

Who does shit like that?

Mike Tyson

[after crashing into a car dealership] The new Oldsmobiles are in early this year!

Elwood

Sometimes, I like to hold a midget.

Doughboy

[to Karl] You should have heard your brother squeal when I broke his fucking neck.

John McClane

Is it hot in here, or am I just scared to death?

John McClane

Every day I come by your house and I pick you up. And we go out. We have a few drinks, and a few laughs, and it's great. But you know what the best part of my day is? For about ten seconds, from when I pull up to the curb and when I get to your door, cause I think, maybe I'll get up there and I'll knock on the door and you won't be there. No goodbye. No see you later. No nothing. You just left. I don't know much, but I know that.

Chuckie

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