It's the new small talk. You do it so awfully well.

Freddy Eynsford-Hill

There comes a time, thief, when the jewels cease to sparkle, when the gold loses its luster, when the throne room becomes a prison, and all that is left is a father's love for his child.

King Osric

The world was stunned today by the death of Diego Ricardo, the youngest person on the planet, the youngest person on earth was 18 years, 4 months, 20 days, 16 hours, and 8 minutes old.

TV Reporter

The Priest: Would they ever harm an innocent person for any reason?
[of Rocco, who's holding him at gunpoint]
Paul Smecker: No, they would never do that.
Paul Smecker: Well, the two Irish guys wouldn't, the Italian guy, he might, he's kind of an idiot.

Smooth as an android's bottom.

Commander Riker

I... am the Waffler. With my griddle of justice, I BASH the enemy in the head, or I burn them like so! I also have some truth syrup, which is low in fat.

Waffler

I'm not crazy; I'm just colorful. That's what happens when you live 18 years alone in Bolivia, you get colorful! [shot dead]

Percy Garris

You got any idea what they do to eggs in prison? I'll tell you this. It ain't over easy.

Humpty Dumpty

Caroline: I found Jesus!
Norah: What?
Caroline: Jesus!
Caroline: He's much taller in person...

Chaucer: All human activity lies within the artist's scope.
[Looks at Wat]
Chaucer: Maybe not yours.

Franz Liebkind: You know, not many people know zis, but der Führer was a terrific dancer.
Max: Really? Gee, we didn't know that, did we, Leo?
Leo: No, we sure didn't.
Franz Liebkind: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WERE TAKEN IN BY THE BBC! Filthy British lies! But did they ever say a bad word about Winston Churchill? CHURCHILL! With his cigars, and his brandy, and his ROTTEN paintings! ROTTEN! Hitler, there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! Two coats!

Anthony: You wanna get yourself killed, nigger?
Cameron: [punches him] Call me nigger again, man. Call me nigger again.
Anthony: You stupid motherfucker.

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