Ray Embrey: My basic diagnosis of your fundamental problem is...do you want to hear it?
Hancock: No.
Ray Embrey: You're an asshole. I know. I call it like I see it, though. It's not a crime to be an asshole, but it's very counter-productive. Not a crime, but you are an asshole, don't you think?
Hancock: Be careful.

So what do you say? Do we all gather together, and go kick some Casanova butt? Or do I eat this sandwich?

The Shoveller

Doc Holliday: Why Johnny Tyler! You madcap!
Johnny Tyler: Doc?
Doc Holliday: Where you goin' with that shotgun?

[in a video-recording] Hey, it's me, Bailey. You don't have to use this in your movie or anything, although now that I think of it, fainting in Wallman's does kind of qualify me as a loser. But then again, wearing a price sticker on your forehead probably makes you one, too. Ya know, I don't know, Tibby, maybe the truth is there's a little bit of loser in all of us, ya know? Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things like wearing these pants or getting to a new level of Dragon's Lair - making those count for more than the bad stuff. Maybe we just get through it... and that's all we can ask for.

Bailey

It's okay, 99. Big people feel pain, too.

Maxwell Smart

Kaffee: Excuse me, sorry I'm late.
Capt. Whitaker: That's alright, Danny, I know you don't have a good excuse, so I won't force you to come up with a bad one.
Kaffee: Thank you, sir.
Capt. Whitaker: The first one's for you. Seems you're moving up in the world, you've been requested by Division.
Kaffee: Requested to do what?

Kangaroo: What do you think you're doing?
Tommy: Oh, you guys with worlds are in trouble!
Kangaroo: Have you forgotten what we've discussed?
Horton: Oh no, I'm an elephant and elephants never forget, it's a curse really! I remember, I was on my head and you said hmm and I looked up and you said ,what are you doing?, and I said the thing about the speck, then you pulled my ears and you poked me in the forehead...
Kangaroo: Horton!
Horton: Well you did.

Raven Darkholme / Mystique: You're amazing
Hank McCoy / Beast: Really?

Old Farm Lady: If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Billy Madison: OOH. That is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life. Let's Go.

It is not my job to be jumping on and off of buses, I don't do that, I am not Carl Lewis!

Carter

[narrating] The report read "Routine retirement of a replicant." That didn't make me feel any better about shooting a woman in the back.

Deckard

Anthony: You wanna get yourself killed, nigger?
Cameron: [punches him] Call me nigger again, man. Call me nigger again.
Anthony: You stupid motherfucker.

FREE Movie Newsletter