Ellie, still waiting for E.T. to call?David Drumlin
Vance Wilder, Sr.: Where can I find Van Wilder?
Wasted Guy: In the Guinness Book of World-fucking-Records, man... under "Raddest Fucking Dude Alive"!
Vance Wilder, Sr.: Ok. Thanks.
Wasted Guy: In any one of these three rooms, Gramps.
Professor X: Eric what have you done?
Magneto: I'm sorry, Charles. I couldn't help it.
Professor X: What have you told Stryker?
I can't see any situation where I'd send federal troops to the South, ever. It could cause another Civil War.President Eisenhower
Hud: [during a very stressful run up stairs] How could they not know anything about it? Unless... maybe they're like, in on it, you know? Like maybe the government created it or something.
Rob Hawkins: Do we have to talk about this now Hud?
Hud: Well, I need to talk about something, because if I don't I'm going to actually shit my pants in this stairwell.
You can make their team then.Himself - Film Director
Bellatrix Lestrange: How dare you defy your master!
Dobby the House Elf: Dobby has no master.
William: I will not lose.
Jocelyn: Then you do not love me.
Marcus Burnett: Look, now I ain't no Wesley Snipes! I just hang out with stupid ass friends, that drive stupid ass cars, that attract a lot of mother fuckin' attention!
Mike Lowrey: You know what, I need to jump over this car and smack you in your peasy ass head that's what I need to do.
Marcus Burnett: Well, you know what you're arguin' over a mother fuckin' french fry.
Mike Lowrey: It's not about the french fry, it's about your lack of respect for other people's property!
White Carjacker: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Black Carjacker: Shut the fuck up!
Marcus Burnett: [to Black Carjacker] Hold the fuck on!
Marcus Burnett: You want some bad enough, come get some!
Marcus Burnett: [suddenly throws coke in the Black Carjacker's face and kicks him in the crotch, while Mike punches the White Carjacker in the face]
Marcus Burnett: [Pointing gun at the Black Carjacker, who is on the ground] You like that shit? Wesley Snipes, Passenger 57! Now gimme a mother fuckin' handy wipe!
Mike Lowrey: [Pointing gun at the White Carjacker, who is on the ground] Now let's hear one of those jokes, bitch.
I'm just trying to help these people.Sam Childers
Debbie Dunham: Is that tuck and roll?
Terry Fields: Yeah!
Debbie Dunham: That's bitchin' tuck and roll! You know, I really love the feel of tuck and roll upholstery.
Terry Fields: You do?
Debbie Dunham: Yeah.
Terry Fields: Yeah? Well, get in and I'll let you feel it... I mean, you know, you can touch it... uh... I'll let you feel the upholstery.
Debbie Dunham: Okay.
Ellie: I don't see a way out of this.
Jessica: Well maybe there is.