I don't want to go to jail because there are robbers and rapers and rapers who rape robbers.

Gus Gorman

Liz: You left them at my place.
Shaun: Yeah, in the bin!
Liz: I was desperate.
Shaun: Sneaky monkey...

That's either the creepiest... or the sweetest thing I have ever heard.

Ashley

Hold on! No fucking way! You fuckin' notice this? I got fuckin' shot! I got fuckin' shot in the face! I went and got the fuckin' money; I got shot fuckin' picking it up. I've been up for thirty-six fucking hours! I'm taking' that fuckin' car! That fucker's mine! You fucking asshole!

Carl Showalter

If there is one human who could lead them against Hyperion, it would be Theseus. He does not fear danger. He fears only the failure to defend his freedom.

Zeus

Droz: Hi, is Sam in there?
Womynist #1: "In there" ... What the hell's that supposed to mean?
Womynist #2: Yeah, cock-man-oppressor!
Droz: Why, thank you. Could you just tell her that Mr. Pokey stopped by.

On the surface, everything seems fine. I've got this great guy. And he loves my kid. And he sure does like me a lot. And I can't live like that. It's not the way I'm built.

Dorothy

Vincent Benedict: [impressed with Julius's fighting abilities] You could be a boxer or something. I could be your manager.
Julius Benedict: No, I could never fight for money.
Vincent Benedict: Well that's fine. You fight, I'll keep the money.

Harvey Logan: Guns or knives?
Butch Cassidy: Neither?
Harvey Logan: Pick.
Butch Cassidy: I don't want to shoot with you Harvey.
Harvey Logan: [draws a big knife] Anything you say, Butch.

Earl Bassett: Dammit, Valentine! You never go for any girl unless she fits that stupid list of yours from top to bottom.
Valentine McKee: Well, sure.
Earl Bassett: Yeah, and it's dumber than my hind end! Like that Bobbie Lynn Dexter.
Valentine McKee: Tammy Lynn Baxter!
Earl Bassett: Doesn't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. "Ooh, I broke a nail!" Ugh! Makes my skin crawl.
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well, I'm a victim of circumstance.
Earl Bassett: I thought you called it your pecker.

Make 'em laugh!

Cosmo Brown

Abba Zaba, you my only friend.

Thurgood Jenkins

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