The Shoveller: Watch it, Spleen, you're going to kill someone with that thing!
Dr. Heller: Oh, no, no, no. All these weapons are completely non-lethal.
The Bowler: Wow. How wonderfully eccentric while simultaneously being a complete waste of our time. Good day, sir. I say good day.

Boy, am I a victim of disappointment in you.

Riff

What's a lapsed Catholic to do?

D-Bob

Westley: We are men of action, lies do not become us.
Count Rugen: Well spoken, sir.
Westley: [stares]
Count Rugen: What is it?
Westley: You have six fingers on your right hand. Someone was looking for-
Count Rugen: [knocks him out]

Whit: I actually ran the London Marathon
Dennis: Oh that's a coincidence.
Whit: Why's that?
Dennis: Oh, I watched it on the tele... well... the last hour... I sleep in on Sundays.

So once again, Jones, what was briefly yours is now mine.

Belloq

I want the last check I write to bounce.

Saul Bloom

This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Well, it used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to EAT it. You're hypocrites, all of you! You have a problem with what I'm saying, Larry?

Phil Connors

Governor Tarkin: You don't know how hard I found it, signing the order to terminate your life.
Princess Leia: I'm surprised that you had the courage to take the responsibility yourself.
Governor Tarkin: Princess Leia, before your execution, you will join me at a ceremony that will make this battle station operational. No star system will dare oppose the Emperor now.
Princess Leia: The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.

Fred: You know what I love about divorcees? ...They love sex.
Rick: Is that true?
Fred: I don't know... I'd like to think so.
Rick: You would like to think that.

Carol Connelly: How are you?
Simon Bishop: Don't ask. I'm tired of my own complaints. I need to get some new thoughts.
Carol Connelly: Why? What are you thinking about now?
Simon Bishop: How to die, mostly.
Carol Connelly: To think that in our little mix you're the good roommate.

Dan Paine: Who sent you?
Barney Ross: [to the bald Dan Paine] Your hairdresser!

FREE Movie Newsletter