Alpa Chino: That's the theme song for the Jeffersons!
Kirk Lazarus: Just because it's a theme song doesn't make it any less true.

Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' loose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!

Louis Simo: Sad day, huh, boys? Tell you what's even sadder: calling it suicide when it's really murder. Why would the cops do that?
Funeral Reporter #1: Sing us a new song, Simo.
Louis Simo: What, you don't love me anymore? Two months ago, somebody drained all the fluid out of George Reeves's break lines. Almost bought it right then. Coincidence, right? I mean, LAPD don't make mistakes. Huh, Paterson? What's the truth? Huh, boys? Who wanted him dead? You guys might be lazy, but nobody said you're dumb.
Funeral Reporter #2: I need some names.
Louis Simo: What, you want me to write it for you, too?
Funeral Reporter #1: Hey, you got a story or not?
Louis Simo: You want names? Ask this guy.
[Gestures to Howard Strickling]
Louis Simo: . He's got the names. Names, pictures. What's he doing here? MGM never cut Reeves a check in his life. Huh? Come on. Do some work, will you? Hey, cameraboy. Lift the fuckin' camera, will you? There you go. Say cheese.

Ward Abbott: Can you really bring him in?
Conklin: I think we're past that, don't you? What, do you have a better idea?
Ward Abbott: Well, so far, you've given me nothing but a trail of collateral damage from Zurich to Paris. I don't think I could do much worse.
Conklin: Well why don't you go upstairs and book a conference room. Maybe you can talk him to death.

You know what they say about women and trolley cars. There's plenty of 'em in the sea.

William

Okay, and life preservers, these... we may need. Although what are the odds of us actually hitting a lake? My money says if anything, it's gonna be a mountain.

Richard Hayden

I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.

Isaac Davis

If you died right now, I would throw myself under one of my Dad's cement trucks so I could be poured into your tomb.

Tammy Metzler

It's called incest Arlene, and it's against the law

Betsy Jobs

Alan Bradley: I promised you that if I ever got any information about your dad, I'd tell you first, right? I was paged last night; came from your dad's office at the arcade.
Sam Flynn: So?
Alan Bradley: "So?" That number has been disconnected for twenty years! Two nights before he disappeared, he came to my house. He said he was about to change everything - science, medicine, religion. He wouldn't have left that, Sam. He wouldn't have left you.

Fuck Jeff Goldblum.

Saul

Turn out the light!

Jim Stark

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