Joel Goodson: [voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are *you* doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.

The lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of the death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me.


When I go up there on 19, I'm gonna take my entire collection of Johnny Cash along!

William 'Bill' Pogue

Alyssa: Why are we stopping?
Holden: Because I can't take this.
Alyssa: Can't take what?
Holden: I love you.
Alyssa: You love me?

[Lincoln quoting Falstaff from Shakespeare's "King Henry the Fourth"] We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow.

Abraham Lincoln

Jason White: I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.
Lex Luthor: Cute kid. And smart too. But we're not really strangers are we?

Jacob: [to Lou] I have some Ativan but it's different.
Lou: Well, let's stick it up our asses!
Jacob: It's not a suppository!
Lou: It doesn't matter. You crush it up, put it in a paper towel, run it under some warm water, and you stick it right up your ass. That works!

[Ray Castro is smoking]
Montel Gordon: You should really try a patch.
Ray Castro: Oh man, that shit doesn't work.
Montel Gordon: It worked for my cousin.
Ray Castro: Yeah?
Montel Gordon: Well he had to wear about 6 at a time, but it worked.
Ray Castro: So how is he now?
Montel Gordon: Oh he's dead.
Ray Castro: He's dead?
Montel Gordon: It wasn't because of the patch, man.
Ray Castro: So how did he die?
Montel Gordon: His wife shot him.

Train Conductor: The train service has been discountinued. This will be the last stop for all passengers.
Elliot Moore: Hey, what do you mean? Where are we?
Train Conductor: Filbert, Pennsylvania.
Elliot Moore: Filbert? Does anybody know where that is? Why are you giving me one useless piece of information at a time? What's going on? Hey, why would you just stop? You can't just leave us here!
Train Conductor: Sir, we lost contact.
Elliot Moore: With whom?
Train Conductor: Everyone.

Rocko Dillon: I've been watching you McGurke. You handle yourself really good.
Frank Drebin: Really well.
Rocko Dillon: Whatever.

Please don't touch my ruffles. Put that one back.


White Goodman: This is it, La 'Loser.' You ready for the, whoo, hurricane?
Peter La Fleur: Just don't go cryin' to your mommy when I spank you in front of all these people, White.
White Goodman: You don't go cryin' to your daddy after I wipe it up with your face.
Peter La Fleur: Oh, hey White.
White Goodman: Yeah?
Peter La Fleur: You look awful fat in those pants.

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