Dark Helmet: What did you do? You turned it off!
Colonel Sandurz: Turned off what? I just turned off the screen.
Dark Helmet: No, you didnt! You turned off the movie!

[adjusting the collar of Guido's suit] You're a world class liar, darling. Go out there and lie for Italy. Lie for Italia.

Liliane La Fleur

Fucking dog. Fucking coach. Fucking Americans.

Paul

I know what he did to you. Bella, I won't ever hurt you.

Jacob

What's the matter Sidney? You look like you've seen a ghost.

Billy

Erin Gruwell: But to get respect you have to give it.
Andre: Bullshit.
Erin Gruwell: What?
Andre: Why should I give you my respect? Because you call your a teacher. How do I know that your not a bad person standing up there?
Eva: White people wanting their respect like its for free.

Trixie: Was that a ninja?
Pops Racer: More like a "non"-ja.

Napoleon Dynamite: Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home.
Uncle Rico: She didn't tell me anything.
Napoleon Dynamite: Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak.
Uncle Rico: I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property!
Uncle Rico: It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.
Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you.
Uncle Rico: Well then do it! Go on!
Napoleon Dynamite: Maybe I will, GOSH!

Lili Von Shtupp: Hello, cowboy. Wha's your name?
Tex: Tex, Ma'am.
Lili Von Shtupp: Texmam? Well, tell me Texmam, are you in show business?
Tex: Well, no, ma'am.
Lilly von Schtupp: Then why don't you get your fwiggin' feet off o' the stage.

Guido: Listen to me.
Joel Goodson: No, no. You listen to ME!
Guido: [hangs up]
Joel Goodson: Shit!

I had the craziest dream last night about a girl who has turned into a swan, but her prince falls for the wrong girl and she kills herself.

Nina

Get OUT of here, ghost!

Eli Sunday

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