Jasper: What did you do for your birthday?
Theodore Faron: Nothing.
Jasper: Oh come on, you must have done something.
Theodore Faron: Nope. Woke up, felt like shit. Went to work, felt like shit.
Jasper: That's called a hangover, Amigo.

Dr. Finch: Well, the only loophole or way I could see me getting you out of school for any considerable length of time would be for you... to commit suicide.
Augusten Burroughs: You want me to kill myself?
Dr. Finch: Well, if you tried to kill yourself, I could explain to the schoolboard that you were psychologically unfit to attend, and that you needed intensive treatment. It would a staged suicide attempt. Of course, your poor mother would have to find you and drive you the hospital, where you would stay for three weeks or a month for observation.
Augusten Burroughs: I don't know. It doesn't...
Dr. Finch: Augusten. Where is your spirit of adventure?

Professor Henry Jones: You say this has been just another typical day for you huh?
Indiana Jones: No. It's been better than most.

You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand.

Andy Stitzer

Sherlock Holmes: Don't be rude to the woman who's invited us inside her tent... for hedgehog.
Dr. John Watson: Says the man who throws women off trains.

You have Christ between your thighs... only with a shorter beard.

Darald

I should've never gotten on that plane. I should've never gotten out of the car.

Chuck Noland

Rex Brooks: [from control room] Alright, Angie, after this I need a 50-second fill about the conference.
Angie Jones: This isn't the only story here, Rex. The protesters...
Rex Brooks: Which I don't give a shit about, and unless they set themselves on fire, they're not our story.

Dr Ray Stantz: I think we'd better split up.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Good idea.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah... we can do more damage that way.

[as Simple Jack] You make my pee-pee maker t-t-tingle.

Tugg Speedman

Marius: [about Cosette] Eponine, find her for me!
Éponine: What will you give me?
Marius: Anything!
Éponine: Got you all excited now, but God knows what you see in her! Aren't you all delighted now?
Éponine: No, I don't want your money, sir.

King Arthur: Look, you stupid Bastard. You've got no arms left.
Black Knight: Yes I have.
King Arthur: Look!
Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.

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