Number Two: Why not use your knowledge of the future to play the stock markets? We could make trillions.
Dr. Evil: Why make a trillion when we could make... billions?
Scott: A trillion's more than a billion, numb nuts.

[taking time to thoroughly taste the earthworm he has just eaten] Subtle... Zesty? Disgusting.


What we're talking about is money, real money, Amigo money. No dough, no show.

Lucky Day

Lester Bangs: Yeah, great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start.
William Miller: I'm glad you were home.
Lester Bangs: I'm always home. I'm uncool.
William Miller: Me too!

Edward: This is my first vagina.
Ruth: You've never seen one!
Edward: No I feel like I should have a piece of cake or something.
Edward: it's uhh it's it's that, right?
Ruth: Oh yeah, it's this, its like from here to here.
Edward: Oh.
Ruth: But this is just the outside, there's these folds.
Edward: Okay, i'm gonna close the bible now.

I'm going to tear you apart... from the inside!


What do I want? Oh my god, I want Penny to quit smoking and go to college. I want, I want to be able to pay the phone, electric and rent in the same month. I want a girl to be on the cover of Surf magazine. It would be great if that girl were me, but any girl would do. I want... I mean I wish my mom would come home, and I really, really want to win pipe masters tomorrow, that's what I want.

Anne Marie

The suspense is terrible... I hope it'll last.

Willy Wonka

Jeffrey Pelt: I can't ask any of these characters to go. One, they don't believe in it. Two, they'd never stake their reputation on a hunch. Whereas you...
Jack Ryan: ...are expendable.
Jeffrey Pelt: Something like that.

Bobby Pellitt: You can fire Professor Xavier.
Kurt: You mean Hank.
Bobby Pellitt: Creeps me out, rolling around all day in his special little secret chair.

Dick Cheney: [talking about torture methods] They utilize fear scenarios.
George W. Bush: You mean like pulling out their toenails?

Dear Max, I am sorry to say that I have secretly found out that Mr. Blume is having an affair with Miss Cross. My first suspicions came when I saw them Frenching in front of our house. And then I knew for sure when they went skinny dipping in Mr. Blume's swimming pool, giving each other handjobs while you were taking a nap on the front porch.

Dirk Calloway

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