David: You're not blind. You're drinking Jack Daniels, and when you drink Jack, you start in with that... Frank Sinatra, she shot me down, give me a cigarette, "King of Sad" thing.
Brian: That I do. Give me a cigarette.

The only thing you're working on is diabetes you fat (expletive).

Costa

Kid: Mortal Kombat, on Sega Genesis, is the best video game ever.
Billy Madison: I disagree, it's a very good game, but i think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.
Kid: Donkey Kong sucks.
Billy Madison: You know something? YOU SUCK!

I've got someone to cover for me. Everybody's replaceable.

Jerry

Hey, you guys!

Sloth

[watching a rugby match] All the whites cheer for South Africa. All the blacks cheer for England.

Nelson Mandela

So how exactly did this one manage to disarm and overpower a four-time national bodybuilding champion? Drag him half a block, throw him over six-foot wall, and then fed him to his own gun?

Macha

Murray: That has nothing to do with it!
Derek Vinyard: Oh it doesn't? You don't think I see what you're trying to do here? You think I'm gonna sit here and smile while some fuckin' kike tries to fuck my mother? It's never gonna happen Murray, fuckin' forget it, not on my watch, not while I'm in this family. I will fuckin' cut your Shylock nose off and stick it up your ass before I let that happen. Coming in here and poisoning my family's dinner with your Jewish, nigger-loving, hippie bullshit. Fuck you! Fuck you! Yeah, walk out, asshole, fuckin' Kabbalah reading motherfucker. Get the fuck out of my house.

Got to be who you are in this world, no matter what.

Robert McCall

Marcus Burnett: You see what happens when you go off without me? You get into shit.
Mike Lowrey: Oh please, like shit don't happen when you're there.
Marcus Burnett: That - that ain't the point...

Danny: Does he make you laugh?
Tess: He doesn't make me cry.

Five years ago... A virus escaped, and everybody died.

Alice

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