Dean 'MF' Jones: "Most killers are first timers. You want to pull off a brilliant murder, you've gotta act like it's an accident. If you do it right, you ain't even gotta be there when it goes down."
Nick: "How are we supposed to fake three accidents?"
Dean 'MF' Jones: "You stalk your prey. You've gotta be smart: find out where they live, find out their habits - what's their hobbies, what they like, what type of food they like. Even if you pull it off perfectly, you crackers got motives. The 'po-po'
Kurt (whispers to Dale): "That means police."
Dean 'MF' Jones: "...will still put it to you."
Nick: "We all have clear motives for killing our bosses, so this is not gonna work - this is garbage."
Dean 'MF' Jones: "Why don't you kill each others bosses?"
Kurt: "That's actually a good idea. Yeah like Hitchcock's 'Strangers on a Train,' right?"
Dale: "The Danny DeVito movie - it's a funny one!"
Kurt: "The famous Alfred Hitchcock/Danny DeVito movie..." (slaps Dale) "that's the one."

Harry: So you got fired again, eh?
Lloyd: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?
Harry: Yeah, well, I lost my job too.
Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.
Lloyd: Hey, chicks love it. It's a shaggin' wagon.

Well, you know what my dad always said, Having dreams is what makes life tolerable.

Pete

[out of breath] He is my son. I am his father. I must go find him. Go ahead, shoot me if you want, but I will go find him.

Solomon Vandy

Oseary Drakoulias: I spoke with Larry Amin, and it's a pass.
Steve Zissou: In other words, you fucked us!
Oseary Drakoulias: Let's not cast stones at one another, my dear.

Cornelius Fudge: Now write your name only.
Dumbledore: It's quite a long name.

[Tyler and Narrator are discussing ideal opponents]
Tyler Durden: OK: any historic figure.
Narrator: I'd fight Gandhi.
Tyler Durden: Good answer.
Narrator: How about you?
Tyler Durden: Lincoln.
Narrator: Lincoln?
Tyler Durden: Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.

[waking from a dream] I didn't cum on you, Pete, I swear.

Jay

Detective Remy Bressant: Corwin Earle. Serial molester, recently work-release. Went AWOL around the time Amanda disappeared.
Nick Poole: Known associates - Leon Trett and his handsome wife, Roberta. The Tretts were released six and eight months ago, respectively. They have drug habits. We don't know where they are, but we think Corwin's with them. Jailhouse snitch claims that Corwin confided in him and told him when he got out, he was gonna move in with his family. Apparently, the three of them have some kind of Addams Family deal going on.
Detective Remy Bressant: Corwin's plan is to keep a kid in the house to have sex with.
Patrick Kenzie: Well, that sounds promising.
Detective Remy Bressant: Not for Amanda, it doesn't.
Angie Gennaro: Do you think this is who has Amanda?
Nick Poole: Well, there's a lot of holes in our theory. I mean, Corwin likes little boys, you know? He likes them seven or eight or nine.

[half time speech] Perfection is being able to look your friends in the eye and know you did everything you could not to let them down.

Coach Gary Gaines

Qui-Gon's defiance I sense in you. Need that, you do not!

Yoda

Pete Hansen: What's wrong, Pookie?
Jenna: Pookie? Uh... *Pukie!* You're married!

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