Ron Burgundy: Um, Brick, before I let you go, are you still having your celebrity golf tournament?
Brick Tamland: Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we're not gonna.

Dan: Knock, knock.
Drey: Who's there?
Dan: The Interrupting Cow.
Drey: The Interrupting Cow, who?
Dan: [realizing he's blown the joke] ... Moooooo.
Drey: [laughing] That was horrible!

When my first husband left me I was so angry I wanted to cut his brake cables... but instead we ended up having sex on the elliptical machine.

Maria Kelly

Molly Peterson: Did you know Dupree writes poetry?
Carl Peterson: What a homo.

Biff Tannen: That's about as funny as a screen door on a battleship.
Marty McFly: [under his breath] It's screen door on a submarine, you dork.

Family Feud Steve Harvey, how could he throw us under the bus like that?!

Cedric

Oh, I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?

Jules

I got Harlem. I took care of Harlem, so Harlem's gonna take care of me.

Frank Lucas

Loki: Never let it be said that your anal-retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results.
Bartleby: You can't be anal-retentive if you don't have an anus.
Loki: Outstanding work.

Foster: We could be like Cagney and Lacy.
Ursula: Right. Except Cagney and Lacy were both women.
Foster: I could be Lacy.

Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?
Mugatu: Derek, this is just a small...
Derek Zoolander: I don't wanna hear your excuses! The building has to be at least... three times bigger than this!

Zeus: Excuse me, I need to use that phone.
Businessman: Use the other one.
Zeus: Sir, please. I need to use that phone.
Businessman: Hey, listen, bro, I was here first.
Zeus: Bro? Get away from the goddamn phone!

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