[to newsreel camera] And I promise you I'll never desert you again because after 'Salome' we'll make another picture and another picture. You see, this is my life! It always will be! Nothing else! Just us, the cameras, and those wonderful people out there in the dark!... All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.

Norma Desmond

You only get one shot at life. Why waste it on sleep?

Graves

Detective James Carter: We need to get her to relax.
Chief Inspector Lee: Maybe we should put on a dirty movie.
Detective James Carter: Lee!
Chief Inspector Lee: Only $9.95.

The game is tailored specifically to each participant. Think of it as a great vacation, except you don't go to it, it comes to you.

Jim Feingold

Jason Bourne: Who has a safety deposit box full of... money and six passports and a gun? Who has a bank account number in their hip? I come in here, and the first thing I'm doing is I'm catching the sightlines and looking for an exit.
Marie: I see the exit sign, too, I'm not worried. I mean, you were shot. People do all kinds of weird and amazing stuff when they are scared.

I am saying, Vanessa, that even crazy people like to be asked.

Virginia Woolf

Mikey, DJ interviewer: How do you think this new record compares to your old, classic stuff?
Billy Mack: Oh come on Mikey, you know as well as I do the record's crap. But wouldn't it be great if number one this Christmas wasn't some smug teenager but an old ex-heroin addict searching for a comeback at any price? Those young popsters come Christmas will be stretched out naked with a cute bird balancing on their balls and I'll be stuck in some dingy flat with me manager Joe, ugliest man in the world, fucking miserable because our fucking gamble didn't pay off. So if you believe in Father Christmas, children, like your Uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record. And particularly enjoy the incredible crassness of the moment when we try to squeeze an extra syllable into the fourth line.
Mikey, DJ interviewer: I think you're referring to "If you really love Christmas..."
Billy Mack: "Come on and let it snow." Ouch.

A maid found herself locked in the bathroom. She was only trapped for a few moments, but when she came out she was blind. She gouged her own eyes out with a pair of scissors.

Gerald Olin

The good news is, my dick is now a popsicle!

Nicky

Y'know, they're hookers. So it's fine.

Ted

I can voluntarily perform a fanny fart at all times.

Nina

Trudeau: McClane, I know how you must feel.
John McClane: I wanted to help those people tonight. I was pretty goddamn useless.

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