Danny Butterman: Do you want anything from the shop?
Nicholas Angel: Cornetto

Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it. Okay, promise? Okay, now everybody take some rubbers.

Coach Carr

Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.


Everytime I see a bag of Hershey's Kisses my balls get so wet.

Neil Patrick Harris

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How tall are you, private?
Private Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high!

For God's sake, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pool man!

Ace Ventura

For no one - no one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not beasts. This you can trust.

Conan's Father

For those regarded as warriors, when engaged in combat the vanquishing of thine enemy can be the warrior's only concern. Suppress all human emotion and compassion. Kill whoever stands in thy way, even if that be Lord God, or Buddha himself. This truth lies at the heart of the art of combat.

Hattori Hanzo

Give me a pound. Lock it down. Break the pickle, tickle tickle.


Mugger: Give me the cash!
Korben Dallas: Been here long?
Mugger: Yeah, long enough. Come on, give me the cash!
Korben Dallas: Is that a Z-140? Alleviated titanium. Neurocharged assault model.
Mugger: Yeah, yeah.
Korben Dallas: Good thing for me it's not loaded.
Mugger: [giggles] What do you mean it's not loaded?
Korben Dallas: You have to... push that yellow button to load it.
Mugger: [pauses, then laughs hesitantly]
Korben Dallas: Take your time.
Mugger: [continues to shake while reaching for the yellow button of the rifle]
Korben Dallas: You want me to - there you go.
Mugger: Give me the cash!
[Pulls trigger, but nothing happens]
Korben Dallas: [points gun at mugger] That's a very dangerous gun. Maybe you better let me hang on to this one for you, huh?
[grabs rifle and places it in rack of other guns]
Korben Dallas: You don't mind, do you?
Mugger: No!
Korben Dallas: You sure?
Mugger: No. Take it. I don't need it!
Korben Dallas: [giggles while pointing gun at mugger] That's a very nice hat.
Mugger: You like it? God!
[dances in front of Korben]

Nursing Home Orderly: Good news, everybody, we're extending arts and crafts time by four hours today.
Elderly Woman: My fingers hurt.
Nursing Home Orderly: What's that?
Elderly Woman: My fingers hurt.
Nursing Home Orderly: Oh, well, now your back's gonna hurt, 'cause you just pulled landscaping duty. Anybody else's fingers hurt?... I didn't think so.

He better not get in my face, 'cause I'll drop that motherfucker!

Brennan Huff

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