Cher: Are you talking about drugs?
Tai: Yeah.
Cher: Tai, how old are you?
Tai: I'll be 16 in May.
Cher: My birthday is in April and as someone older, can I please give you some advice? It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day.

Robbie Ferrier: If we had any balls, why don't we go back and find one of those things and kill it?
Ray Ferrier: Thank you, but maybe you should let me handle the big decisions.
Robbie Ferrier: When will that be, Ray? Never? Never is about your speed.
Ray Ferrier: Ok, enough of the "Ray" shit! It"s "Dad," or "Sir!" Or if you like, "Mr. Ferrier." I know it sounds a little weird to me but you decide.

Out of order, I show you out of order. You don't know what out of order is, Mr. Trask. I'd show you, but I'm too old, I'm too tired, I'm too fuckin' blind. If I were the man I was five years ago, I'd take a FLAMETHROWER to this place! Out of order? Who the hell do you think you're talkin' to? I've been around, you know? There was a time I could see. And I have seen. Boys like these, younger than these, their arms torn out, their legs ripped off. But there isn't nothin' like the sight of an amputated spirit. There is no prosthetic for that. You think you're merely sending this splendid foot soldier back home to Oregon with his tail between his legs, but I say you are... executin' his soul! And why? Because he's not a Bairdman. Bairdmen. You hurt this boy, you're gonna be Baird bums, the lot of ya. And Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever you are out there, FUCK YOU TOO!

Lt. Col. Frank Slade

I don't have much time, guys. I have to go home and wax Judith's legs.

Darren

Deja voodoo.

Gale

Fulton Greenwall: WE can pay you handsomely.
Ace: I am now a child of light. Your earthly money holds no appeal to me.
Fulton Greenwall: Twenty thousand dollars.
Ace: Re-he-he-Really? No. I cannot. For I am sorely needed... here, at the ashram.
Ashram Monk: If I may interject! We're short of space, and it's important for you to use your talents. Let me help you pack.
Ace: But I am yet to attain omnipresent supergalactic oneness.
Ashram Monk: Wait! Here it is! You've just attained it.
Ace: I have?
Ashram Monk: Just now! You are one! I can see it in your eyes. You're more one than anyone!
Ace: What about my medallion of spiritual accomplishment?
Ashram Monk: Take mine!
Ace: Master. This took you eighty years to achieve!
Ashram Monk: That's okay. I don't like it anymore. Really.
Ace: In the light of this great personal sacrifice you've made, I have no choice... but to take the case.
Ashram Monk: Great! I'll go tell the others!
Ace: Master... break it to them gently.

Don't mind her. She's still upset because somebody dropped a house on her sister.

Otho

I can not promise you riches. What I can offer you the chance to save the world one case at a time.

Lucien Wilbanks

Gee whiz, ma, we oughtta have these heart to heart talks more often, they're good for us.

Jim

[to Felicity] Of course I'm not happy. Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you do. I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I've not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead.

Fat Bastard

Nacho: Those guys were a couple of wussies, eh?
Esqueleto: They scalped my hairs, okay? I look hideous. And you gave them permission to hurt me like this.
Nacho: But I couldn't have anybody see my face, Steven. Come on!

I was never in the peace corps.

Jane Smith

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