John Wick: How good's your laundry?
Charon: No one's that good.
John Wick: I thought not.

Our world as we know it is much simpler...to put to an end than you might think.

Ed Hoffman

Dr. P: Every once in a while, a shepherd has to pluck a sheep from the heard and challenge him. It lets the man know he's worthy of leading him.
Roger: Well, you know what? I don't want to be a shepherd anymore!
Dr. P: You're not the shepherd, DUMB ASS, I'm the shepherd! Its called an analogy, moron!
Roger: Look, you dont understand. Everything was going so well between us.
Dr. P: Well, clearly I'm sure you're just days away from adopting a Chinese kid together.

Grim Reaper: I believe Colonel Mustard did it in the study with a candlestick.
Bill: Sorry, death, you lose! It was Professor Plum!
Grim Reaper: I said Plum!
Ted: No way! You said Mustard! Can we go back now?
Grim Reaper: Uh, best three out of five!
Ted: I don't believe this guy!

Judy Witwicky: Look at this place! I feel smarter already! Can you smell that?
Ron Witwicky: Yeah, it's the smell of $40,000 a year.

Louise Sawyer: Decaf or regular?
Girl in diner: Uh, regular, please.
Louise Sawyer: You girls are kinda young to be smokin', dontcha think? Ruins your sex drive.

I don't think I am going to say, "What the fuck" anymore.

Joel Goodson

If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer.

Ace Ventura

[after being shot] I think I'm okay. Really. I think it just went in and out. I... It doesn't even hurt anymore.

Malcolm Crowe

Phil: There is a major network interested in me.
Larry: That would be the Home Shopping Network.

John Lennon is rolling over in his grave to hide the giant boner you just gave him!

David Marshall

[After seeing Mystique shape shift]
Professor Charles Xavier: How's that for a magic trick?
Man in Black Suit: Best I've ever seen.

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