Jim: World's worst place to get a flat, huh?
Frank: Agreed. I think we better do this quick?

Nelville Flynn: How good are you at this game?
Troy: Pretty good. I mean, my brother Randy has the hi-score. Asshole never lets me hear the end of it.

Angelica Bell: What happens when we die?
Virginia Woolf: What happens?
[pause]
Virginia Woolf: We return to the place that we came from.
Angelica Bell: I don't remember where I came from.
Virginia Woolf: Nor do I.

Buddy 'Aces' Israel: Cinnamon roll? the cinnamon, the roll of the cinnamon. That looks like jizz... ya Eastern European jizz, that looks like some fuckhead shot his load on a 12000 dollar calf's skin jacket. The twist? Its my $12,000 calf skin jacket. So ya got the semen, okay you got the human ejaculate ... [checks watch] ... thats been allowed to soak in for like seven hours alright. Work its way into the fabric fuckin fibers...
Hugo Croop: If you like I send out?
Buddy 'Aces' Israel: To what? Incinerate? Hugo there isn't a fuckin laundry detergent or dry cleaning product known to man that will get that clean. Some shit, suffice it to say, just don't wash out.
Hugo Croop: Do you want an apology?
Buddy 'Aces' Israel: Only if you really truly mean it.

[to newsreel camera] And I promise you I'll never desert you again because after 'Salome' we'll make another picture and another picture. You see, this is my life! It always will be! Nothing else! Just us, the cameras, and those wonderful people out there in the dark!... All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.

Norma Desmond

You only get one shot at life. Why waste it on sleep?

Graves

Y'know, they're hookers. So it's fine.

Ted

Uncle Frank: You got any friends, Andy?
Andrew: No.
Uncle Frank: Oh, why's that?
Andrew: I don't know, I just never really saw the use.
Uncle Frank: Well, who are you going to play with otherwise? Lennon and McCartney, they were school buddies, am I right?
Andrew: Charlie Parker didn't know anybody 'til Jo Jones threw a cymbal at his head.
Uncle Frank: So that's your idea of success, huh?
Andrew: I think being the greatest musician of the 20th century is anybody's idea of success.
Jim: Dying broke and drunk and full of heroin at the age of 34 is not exactly my idea of success.
Andrew: I'd rather die drunk, broke at 34 and have people at a dinner table talk about me than live to be rich and sober at 90 and nobody remembered who I was.
Uncle Frank: Ah, but your friends will remember you, that's the point.
Andrew: None of us were friends with Charlie Parker. *That's* the point.
Uncle Frank: Travis and Dustin? They have plenty of friends and plenty of purpose.
Andrew: I'm sure they'll make great school board presidents someday.
Dustin: Oh, that's what this is all about? You think you're better than us?
Andrew: You catch on quick. Are you in Model UN?
Travis: I got a reply for you, Andrew. You think Carleton football's a joke? Come play with us.
Andrew: Four words you will never hear from the NFL.
Aunt Emma: Who wants dessert?

He always said he wanted his ashes scattered on Brokeback Mountain, but I wasn't sure where that was. I thought Brokeback Mountain might be around where he grew up. Knowing Jack, it was probably some pretend place, where bluebirds sing and there's a whiskey spring...

Lureen Newsome

Hands in, a-ca-bitches!

Aubrey

Randal Graves: Some guy came into the store refusing to pay late fees. Said the store was closed for two hours yesterday. I tore up his membership.
Dante Hicks: Shocking abuse of authority.
Randal Graves: Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.

Boon: I want you to fix Pinto up, but it's got to be a very special girl.
Pinto: Look, you don't have to...
Boon: Now, she should be good-looking, but we're willing to trade looks for a certain... morally casual attitude.
Katy: You mean you want someone who'll screw on the first date.
Boon: Well put. You see, Pinto's never been laid.
Pinto: Hey!
Boon: What'd I say?

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