Oh my God, the quarterback is toast.


Austin: Oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed.
Basil: I suggest you don't worry about those things and just enjoy yourself.

Kaa: Ooh! Oh, now what? I'll be right down. Yes, yes, who is it?
Shere Khan: It's me. Shere Khan. I'd like a word with you, if you don't mind.
Kaa: Shere Khan, what a surprise.
Shere Khan: Yes, isn't it. I just dropped by. Now forgive me if I've interrupted anything.
Kaa: Oh no, no, nothing at all.
Shere Khan: [brandishing his claws] I thought perhaps that you were entertaining someone up there in your coils.
Kaa: Coils? Someone? Oh no, I was just curling up for my siesta.
Shere Khan: But you were singing to someone. Who is it, Kaa?
Kaa: Ah, um, oh no, I was just singing, uh, to myself.
Shere Khan: Indeed.
Kaa: Yes... yes, you see I have... trouble with my sinuses.
Shere Khan: What a pity!
Kaa: Oh, you have no idea. It's simply terrible. I can't eat, I can't sleep, so I ssssssing myself to sleep. You know, self-hypnosis. Let me show you how it works.

William: Oi sir, what are you doing?
Chaucer: Uh... trudging. You know, trudging?
Chaucer: To trudge: the slow, weary, depressing yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simply soldier on.
William: Uhhh... were you robbed?
Chaucer: [laughs] Funny really, yes, but at the same time a huge resounding no. It's more of an... involuntary vow of poverty... really.

Ok, you may have just seen a dude's junk. And he is very sorry.

Wallace Wells

One gay beer for my gay friend, one normal beer for me because I am normal.


Rabbit: [lifting soap out of coffee] Oh, look, a bar of soap.
Farva: Oohoohoh shit. I got you good, you fucker!
Mac: Awesome prank, Farva.
Farva: Better'n the crap you pull, Mac.

Jim: Look at my hand
[raises hand and holds it level]
Bart: Steady as a rock.
Jim: [raises other wobbling hand] Yeah but it shoot with this one.

Walter Sobchak: Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
The Dude: Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter...
Walter Sobchak: You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.
The Dude: And the fucking money.
Walter Sobchak: And the fucking money. And, we know that this is your homework.
The Dude: We're going to cut your dick off, Larry.
Walter Sobchak: You're killing your father, Larry!

[interrogation] Reciprocity, Mr. Hudgens, is the key to every relationship.

Captain Dudley Smith

Bruce: So, what's a couple of bites like you doing out so late?
Marlin: Nothing, we're not doing anything, we're not even out.
Bruce: Great! Then how would you little morsels like to come to a little - a little get-together I'm having?
Dory: You mean like a party?
Bruce: Yeah, that's it, a party! What do you say?
Dory: Oh, I love parties! That sounds like fun.

Andrew Clark: So... what's your poison?
[no answer]
Andrew Clark: ... Ok, forget I asked.
[first lines]
Allison Reynolds: Vodka.
Andrew Clark: Oh yeah? How much vodka do you drink?
Allison Reynolds: Tons.

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