Keep Patty away from Larry - suck the intelligence right out of her.

Gil

The Grandson: Is this a kissing book?
Grandpa: Wait, just wait.
The Grandson: Well, when does it get good?
Grandpa: Keep your shirt on, and let me read.

Whoever wrote this episode should DIE.

Gwen DeMarco

Jane Spencer: I feel like such a fool. I should have never doubted you.
Lt. Frank Drebin: There, there. You had no way of knowing the man you were dating was a vicious, murdering sociopath.

I wish I had a million dollars.

George Bailey

Dwayne T. Robinson: I got a hundred people down here and they're all covered in glass.
John McClane: Glass? Who gives a shit about glass? Who the fuck is this?
Dwayne T. Robinson: This is Deputy Chief Dwayne T. Robinson, and I am in charge here.
John McClane: Oh you're in charge? Well I got news for you *Dwayne*, from up here it doesn't look like you're in charge of jack shit.
Dwayne T. Robinson: You listen to me you little asshole.
John McClane: Asshole? I'm not the one who just got butt-fucked on national TV, Dwayne.

Wendy: Your father has finally gone completely mental!
Otto: So the old lady's gonna m-m-m-meet with an accident eh K-K-K-K-Ken?

[to Rhonda] GET OUT OF YOUR PANTS!

Valentine McKee

Neighbor: You're not watching the soldiers, Joseph?
Joseph: We've seen Romans before.
Neighbor: Yes. And we will see them again.
[the neighbor examines some boards which have not been assembled]
Neighbor: My table is not finished. Where is your son?
Joseph: He's walking in the hills.
Neighbor: [disapproving] Mm-hm. He neglects his work, Joseph.
Joseph: No. Once I reproached him with forgetting his work. He said to me, "I must be about my Father's business."
Neighbor: Then why isn't he here, working?
Joseph: [smiling] He's working.

Gray: Can we stay with you?
Claire: I am never leaving you again!
GrayZach: [points to Owen] No, no, him. We mean him.

President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Here's the target area.
Gerou: That's Minnesota, sir.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Damn it, man, that's the genius of my plan. Why go over there to fight? We can do it right here at home, and get in some good fishing while we're at it.
Gerou: Sir, the enemy is over there.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Then we'll fly them over here. Their families too. We'll teach them to skate... Do I have to think of everything?

Ethan Tremblay: "Hold Sonny."
Peter Highman: "Nope! Hand me that dog and I will rip it in half!"

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