Thurgood Jenkins: Smoke-Alot opened up to me like I was Barbara Walters. It was ridiculous, he told me about his lawyer...
Sir-Smoke-Alot: He had sex with my momma! Why?
Thurgood Jenkins: Spirituality...
Sir-Smoke-Alot: God, if you listenin', help!...
Thurgood Jenkins: His bad back...
Sir-Smoke-Alot: The doctor said I need a backiotomy.
Thurgood Jenkins: His love life...
Sir-Smoke-Alot: I'm impotent, man! Get away from me, biatch!
[pushes girl aside]
Thurgood Jenkins: I mean, talk about a guy with problems.

Hermione: Harry, you told me you'd figured the egg out weeks ago. The task is two days from now.
Harry: Really? I had no idea. I suppose Viktor's already figured it out.
Hermione: Wouldn't know. We don't actually talk about the tournament. Actually, we don't really talk at all. Viktor's more of a physical being. I just mean he's not particularly loquacious. Mostly, he watches me study. It's a bit annoying, actually. You are trying to figure this egg out, aren't you?
Harry: What's that supposed to mean?
Hermione: It just means these tasks are designed to test you... in the most brutal way. They're almost cruel. And... I'm scared for you. You got by the dragons mostly on nerve. I'm not sure it's going to be enough this time.
Cedric Diggory: Hey, Potter! Potter!
Harry: Cedric.
Cedric Diggory: How - ? How are you?
Harry: Spectacular.
Cedric Diggory: Look, I realize I never really thanked you properly for tipping me off about those dragons.
Harry: Forget about it. I'm sure you would've dont the same for me.
Cedric Diggory: Exactly. You know the Prefects' bathroom on the fifth floor? It's not a bad place for a bath. Just take your egg and... mull things over in the hot water.

Nathan, I've got something you need to see.

Karen

John Chambers: [after hearing of the plan to get the hostages out] So you want to come to Hollywood, act like a big shot...
Tony Mendez: Yeah.
John Chambers: ...without actually doing anything?
Tony Mendez: Yeah.
John Chambers: [smiles] You'll fit right in!

Chad: Look, you're a hoops dude. Not a musical singer person. Have you ever seen Michael Crawford on a cereal box?
Troy Bolton: Who's Michael Crawford?
Chad: Exactly my point. He was the "Phantom of the Opera" on Broadway. Now my mom, she's seen that musical 27 times and she put Michael Crawford's picture in our refrigerator. Not on it. IN it. So my point is, if you play basketball, you'll end up on the cereal box. If you sing in musicals, you'll end up in my mom's refrigerator.
Troy Bolton: Why would she put his picture in your refrigerator?
Chad: I don't know, one of her crazy diet ideas. Look, I don't attempt to understand the female mind, Troy.
Chad: [Mrs. Fallstaff, the librarian appears] It's foreign territory.

Mona Lisa Vito: The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. You can't make those marks without positraction, which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark!
Vinny Gambini: And why not? What is positraction?
Mona Lisa Vito: It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires. The '64 Skylark had a regular differential, which, anyone who's been stuck in the mud in Alabama knows, you step on the gas, one tire spins, the other tire does nothing.
[the jury members nod, with murmurs of "yes," "that's right," etc]
Vinny Gambini: Is that it?
Mona Lisa Vito: No, there's more! You see? When the left tire mark goes up on the curb and the right tire mark stays flat and even? Well, the '64 Skylark had a solid rear axle, so when the left tire would go up on the curb, the right tire would tilt out and ride along its edge. But that didn't happen here. The tire mark stayed flat and even. This car had an independent rear suspension. Now, in the '60's, there were only two other cars made in America that had positraction, and independent rear suspension, and enough power to make these marks. One was the Corvette, which could never be confused with the Buick Skylark. The other had the same body length, height, width, weight, wheel base, and wheel track as the '64 Skylark, and that was the 1963 Pontiac Tempest.
Vinny Gambini: And because both cars were made by GM, were both cars available in metallic mint green paint?
Mona Lisa Vito: They were!
Vinny Gambini: Thank you, Ms. Vito. No more questions. Thank you very, very much.
[kissing her hands]
Vinny Gambini: You've been a lovely, lovely witness.

Shaun: [hands Liz flowers] Got you these.
Liz: [Liz reads label] "To a wonderful mum"?
Shaun: [sniggers] Oooh! Yeah, that's, because... I thought, it would be, funny, because of what you said last night about me y'know, don't wanna be my mum and that. It's just a little joke, just sort of spur of the moment...
Liz: [long pause] They're for your mum, aren't they?
Shaun: Yeah.
Liz: Smooth.

Isis: Know what? She's right. See, then we'd be doing them a favor. Then they could feel good about sending raggedy Ann up here to jack us for our cheers.
Torrance Shipman: 'Raggedy Ann'?
Isis: Ugly redhead with a video camera permanently attached to her hand. Y'all been coming up here for years trying to steal our routines.
Lafred: And we just love seeing them on ESPN.
Torrance Shipman: What are you talking about?
Isis: 'Brr, it's cold in here, there must be some Toros in the atmosphere'? I know you don't think a white girl made that shit up. Our future service is over as of this moment.

Your dogs are gay!

Dog Spa receptionist

I was never in the peace corps.

Jane Smith

Why don't you start calling me Gordon?

Gordon Gekko

Mr. Earl Brooks: Would it bother you to kill a woman?
Mr. Smith: No. No, an asshole's an asshole.

FREE Movie Newsletter