Club Secretary: I say, Lawrence. You are a clown! T.E. Lawrence: Ah, well, we can't all be lion tamers.

Andrew Beckett: Do you like opera?
Joe Miller: I'm not that familiar with opera.
Andrew Beckett: This is my favorite aria. This is Maria Callas. This is "Andrea Chenier", Umberto Giordano. This is Madeleine. She's saying how during the French Revolution, a mob set fire to her house, and her mother died... saving her. "Look, the place that cradled me is burning." Can you hear the heartache in her voice? Can you feel it, Joe? In come the strings, and it changes everything. The music fills with a hope, and that'll change again. Listen... listen..."I bring sorrow to those who love me." Oh, that single cello! "It was during this sorrow that love came to me." A voice filled with harmony. It says, "Live still, I am life. Heaven is in your eyes. Is everything around you just the blood and mud? I am divine. I am oblivion. I am the god... that comes down from the heavens, and makes of the Earth a heaven. I am love!... I am love."

Officer Caroline: What kind of a machine bends a stalk of corn without breaking it?
Graham Hess: It can't be by hand, it's too perfect.

The force is with you, young Skywalker, but you are not a Jedi yet.

Darth Vader

John: Alright: Brandy, Heather, Channing, Brianna, Amber, Serena, Melody, Dakota, Sierra, Bambi, Crystal, Samantha, Autumn, Ruby, Taylor, Tara, Tammy, Lauren, Charlene, Chantelle, Courtney, Misty, Jenny, Krista, Mindy, Noel, Shelby, Trina, Reba, Cassandra, Nikki, Kelsey, Shawna, Jolene, Urleen, Claudia, Savannah, Casey, Dolly, Kendra, Kylie, Chloe, Devon, Emmalou, fucking Becky?
Ted: No.
John: Wait, was it any one of those names with a Lynn after it?
Ted: Yes.
John: Okay, Brandy Lynn, Heather Lynn...
Ted: Tammy Lynn.
John: Fuck!

Danny Butterman: So what made you want to become a policeman?
Nicholas Angel: Officer.
Danny Butterman: What made you want to become a policeman officer?
Nicholas Angel: I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a police officer, except for the summer of 1979 when I wanted to be Kermit the frog. I remember when I was five, my uncle Derek bought me a police pedal car. There wasn't a minute of the day I spent out of that car. I went round - arresting kids much bigger than me. I got beaten up a lot, but it didn't stop me.
Danny Butterman: Man, he sounds like a great guy!
Nicholas Angel: Actually he was arrested for selling drugs to students, probably bought the pedal car with the proceeds.
Danny Butterman: What a cunt.
Nicholas Angel: Naturally, I never went near it again. I just left it there in the yard to gather rust. But I never lost the profound sense of right and wrong I felt behind the wheel of that pedal car. And I always wanted to be a police officer, from that moment on.
Danny Butterman: Oh. Shame really...
Nicholas Angel: How so?
Danny Butterman: I think you would have made a great Muppet...

What about santa's cookies? I suppose parents eat those too?

Buddy

Do you like your quasi-futuristic clothes Mr. Powers? I designed them myself.

Dr. Evil

The only good thing you ever did for the gals was get hit by that train!

Penny Wharvey McGill

Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.

Van Wilder

Ace Rothstein: I'm just curious. I saw you shuffling your checks with your right hand. Can you do that with both hands?
Signaller: No.
Ace Rothstein: Can't do it with both hands?
Signaller: No, sir.
Ace Rothstein: Can you do it with your left hand?
Signaller: Well, I... I never tried.
Ace Rothstein: So you're a righty?
Signaller: Yeah.
[guard repeatedly bangs his right hand with hammer]
Ace Rothstein: Now you're gonna have to learn with your left hand.

Excuse me if this off the subject a little bit, but just take a guess at how much I can bench press. Come on, what do you think? Take a guess. 315 pounds, maxing out at 400!

Buck Laughlin

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