[greeting a pair of visitors from Jefferson City] I heard tell once of a Jefferson City lawyer who had a parrot that would wake him each morning crying out 'today's the day the world shall end as scripture has foretold'. And one day, the lawyer shot him for the sake of peace and quiet I presume, thus fulfilling, for the bird at least, his prophecy.

Abraham Lincoln

Brian Chavez: Hey Boobie, you didn't lift.
Boobie Miles: I don't have to. This is God given talent.

Linus Caldwell: Hey, can I ask you something? You ever notice that...
Rusty Ryan: If you're gonna ask if you can ask me a question, give me time to respond. Unless you're asking rhetorically, in which case the answer is obvious - yes.
Linus Caldwell: Okay, can I ask you...
Rusty Ryan: Yes.
Linus Caldwell: Thanks. You ever notice that Tess looks...
Rusty Ryan: Ooh, don't ever ask that. Ever. Seriously. Not to anyone, especially not to her.

Neighbor: Hey Roy, can you get sick from drinking piss?
Roy: I think you can.
Neighbor: Even if its your own?

I am the president of the United States of America, clothed in immense power! You will procure me those votes!

Abraham Lincoln

I believe "shaved" is the expression.


Maj. Warden: I belong to a rather rum group called Force 316. Our headquarters is up in the botanical gardens.
Commander Shears: Protecting rare plants from the enemy?

[waking from a dream] I didn't cum on you, Pete, I swear.


Evey Hammond: I don't want you to die.
V: That's the most beautiful thing you could have ever given me.

I got Harlem. I took care of Harlem, so Harlem's gonna take care of me.

Frank Lucas

Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
Seth: Breast Reduction Surgery? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.
Evan: She had back-problems, man.

I knew that loose was too noose... uh... noose too loose...


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