Randal Graves: The jizz-mopper's job is to clean off the glass after each guy shoots a load. I don't know if you noticed, but cum leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away.
Offended Customer: I will never come to this place again!
Dante Hicks: I'm sorry?
Offended Customer: Using filthy language in front of the customers, you both should be fired!
Dante Hicks: I'm sorry, I guess we got carried away.
Offended Customer: I don't know if sorry could make up for it, you've highly offended me.
Randal Graves: Well if you thinks that's offensive, check this out! I think you can see her kidneys!

Karen Holmes: I never knew it could be like this! Nobody ever kissed me the way you do.
Sergeant Milton Warden: Nobody?
Karen Holmes: No, nobody.
Sergeant Milton Warden: Not even one? Out of all the men you've been kissed by?
Karen Holmes: [giggling] Now that'd take some figuring. How many men do you think there've been?
Sergeant Milton Warden: I wouldn't know. Can't you give me a rough estimate?
Karen Holmes: Not without an adding machine. Do you have the adding machine with you?
Sergeant Milton Warden: I forgot to bring it.

Willy Wonka: What do you think about little raspberry kites?
Charlie Bucket: With licorice instead of string!
Mrs. Bucket: Boys, no business at the dinner table.
Charlie Bucket: Sorry, Mum.
Willy Wonka: I think you're onto something though, Charlie.

Marisa: Look, you have to listen to me, I know you're used to getting your way.
Christopher: Yeah, until I met you.
Marisa: There's millions of women who are just dying for you to look their way.
Christopher: [Laughing] Yeah? Then why are you making me work so hard?

We're adjourned for the day. You've been a delight.

Senator Stern

Grandma Tannen: Biff, Biff, where you going, Biff?
Biff Tannen: I told you, grandma, I'm goin' to the dance.
Grandma Tannen: When are you coming home?
Biff Tannen: I'll get home, when I get home.
Grandma Tannen: Don't forget to turn off the garage lights!

Sally Albright: The first date back is always the toughest, Harry.
Harry Burns: You only had one date. How do you know it's not going to get worse?
Sally Albright: How much worse can it get than finishing dinner, having him reach over, pull a hair out of my head and start flossing with it at the table?
Harry Burns: We're talking dream date compared to my horror.

That car belonged to my brother-in-law.

Sallah

Ben: What’s up little man.
[mocking him]
Basketball Kid: What’s up little man?
Ben: What you about 3’10″, 3’11″?
Basketball Kid: Yeah but you know what I’m gonna do, grow! What you gonna do, stretch?

Businessman: It says one hundred percent guaranteed, you moron!
Brad Hamilton: Mister, if you don't shut up I'm gonna kick one hundred percent of your ass!

Bazooko's Circus is what the whole hep world would be doing Saturday nights if the Nazis had won the war. This was the Sixth Reich.

Raoul Duke

Danny: 'Cause yesterday I walked out of the joint after losing four years of my life and you're cold-decking "Teen Beat" cover boys. [pauses] 'Cause the house always wins. Play long enough, you never change the stakes. The house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet and you bet big, then you take the house.
Rusty: Been practicing this speech, haven't you?
Danny: Little bit. Did I rush it? Felt I rushed it.
Rusty: No, it was good, I liked it. The "Teen Beat" thing was harsh.

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