Matthew: It's not funny.
Danielle: It's a little funny.

I've finally found someone I can love - a good, clean love... without utensils.


Christopher: Knock knock.
Christopher Gardner: Who's there?
Christopher: Nobody.
Christopher Gardner: Nobody who?
Christopher: [silent]
Christopher Gardner: Nobody who?
Christopher: [silent]
Christopher Gardner: A-ha-ha, that's a good one, I like that!

Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the most spectacular show on earth!

Older Jacob

[to Deborah] Lately, your low self-esteem is just good common sense.

Evelyn Norwich

Peter Gibbons: Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday, and you're not feelin' real well, does anyone ever say to you, 'Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays'?
Lawrence: [pauses] No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.

Marty McFly: Listen, you got a back door to this place?
Bartender: Yeah, it's in the back.

Craig Jones: [points across the street to Mrs. Parker] Look, look, she's bendin' over!
Pastor Clever: Lord have mercy! God is my shepherd, and he knows what I want!
Pastor Clever: [running across the street] Excuse me, Mrs. Parker? Mrs. Parker!

Jordan Belfort: [Wakes up on plane; finds he is restrained by a seatbelt across his chest] Oh, Jesus Christ. Fuck. Donnie. Donnie this isn't... this isn't funny, you gotta untie me, buddy.
Donnie Azoff: I can't untie you! The captain tied you up, he almost fuckin' tasered you!
Jordan Belfort: Why?
Donnie Azoff: Why? You were, like, screaming at people. You were on the floor rollin' around and shit.
Jordan Belfort: Oh, Jesus.
Donnie Azoff: You called the captain the n-word.
Jordan Belfort: I called the captain the n-word?
Donnie Azoff: Yeah, he was very upset.
Jordan Belfort: Really?
Donnie Azoff: Luckily we're in first class. Jesus Christ. I think you have a fuckin' drug problem.

Marla... the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't.


Pete: Do you think maybe we've gone too far? I'm a child of divorce and I sympathize with them.
Teddy Sanders: My parents love each other, and I think it's hilarious.

Name a shrub after me ... something prickly and hard to eradicate.

Capt. Jack Aubrey

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