You're an optimist, sir. See I had you figured for a grouch.

Chris Burnett

I'm never going to see a Mer-man.

Hadley

Mary Jane Potman: My father's a drug dealer.
Thurgood Jenkins: Wow, that must've been the shit.
Mary Jane Potman: It ruined his life.
Thurgood Jenkins: That must've been shitty.

You know friend, this is a god damn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation.

Jack Twist

Master Vampire: I have been waiting and eternity for a man of your strength to arrive. But what kind of man crawls into his own grave in search of hope?
Vlad Tepes: A desperate one.

So long boys. See you in the funny papers.

Big Dan Teague

Schmidt: We'll go around to classes and activities, ask about the drug, find out who the dealer is.
Jenko: Do we look older or does everyone in college look like babies?

Matthew: Oh my god, she's so hot.
Eli: What channel, dude?

Oh, still stubborn, aren't we? Is that what makes you so special to Edward?

James

Louis: Who's that?
Ordell Robbie: That's Beaumont.
Louis: Who's Beaumont?
Ordell Robbie: An employee I had to let go.
Louis: What'd he do?
Ordell Robbie: He put himself in a position where he was going to have to do ten years in prison, that's what he did. And if you know Beaumont, you know ain't no god damn way he can do ten years. And if you know that, then you know Beaumont's gonna do anything Beaumont can to keep from doing them ten years, including telling the federal government any and every motherfucking thing about my black ass. Now that my friend is a clear cut case of him or me. And you best believe it ain't gonna be me.

Karen Kelly: How are things going there?
Peyton Kelly: Terrific, the food's not all that great, but my room is huge.

David Grant: ...and all your brothers are coming over today, remember?
Woody Grant: Some of 'em are dead.
David Grant: The dead ones won't be here.

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